A surprise love of learning

I like to learn.

I have found that out about myself in the last few years. I was always good at school, but I honestly think that most of that was more due to my ability to memorize facts and not that I'm smarter than people who don't get straight As. I got better grades that my husband, but he is definitely smarter than me --- I just applied myself.

I didn't particularly enjoy school. I liked some of my classes, especially my writing classes in college, but I always knew that I had no desire to continue my education past a bachelor's degree. It just didn't seem worth it, and I certainly didn't want to spend any more time or money on schooling.

With my last job, though, I was constantly learning. I worked in the environmental field, something that was completely foreign to me, and I came home with new tidbits every day. I was excited when I found out something new that I could tuck away and use for conversation later or that I could share with other people who would care --- and sometimes those that didn't.

Now that I'm not working, I've discovered that I still have a desire to continue learning.

A friend that led our small group at our former church inspired my husband and I to look into reading biblical commentaries. We also have a radio talk show host that wrote some biblical commentaries that we wanted to look into.

It turns out, we have loved them.

I love digging deeper into verses and books of the Bible that I thought I knew so well and learning what the original text is literally translated as, what the culture of that time was like, how there is so much more meaning buried in every sentence that what I thought when I just read lines quickly to check off my Bible reading for that day.

Then I read a book on apologetics --- basically how to discuss the Bible and how to back up what I believe in. I'm pretty sure that I will have to read that book many more times.

Each time I read a book, I put another on the list that I want to read. Plus, I get excited about being able to share tidbits about what I've learned with others, just like the way I got to share nature tidbits from my last job.

I've realized that my love for learning has been fulfilled by delving deeper into the Word of God, and that makes me really glad that we are blessed enough that I am able to not work right now. Without working, I've been able to dig into a study area that's even more important than the environment --- my relationship with the creator of the environment, the creator of nature, the creator of the universe.

And there's so much more to learn.

All God's grace

 There's a sign in our daughter's room that was given to us at her baby shower.

It says, "All God's grace in one tiny face."

It's a sweet saying, and it is on the wall right above her changing table. I was sitting across the room while I was nursing her, and I looked at that sign. I had just read a sermon that talked about the difference between mercy and grace. Mercy is God not giving us what we deserve --- for instance, he doesn't send all humans to hell to pay for all of our mistakes, all of our sins, which is what we deserve when we compare our filth to his perfect righteousness. Grace, however, is God giving us what we don't deserve.

I looked at our daughter's tiny face and realized that sign is exactly what she is. Grace. God gave us a tiny human that we absolutely don't deserve.

I don't deserve the smiles that she gives me. I don't deserve her love. I don't deserve the opportunity to raise her. I fall short so often.

However, God saw fit to give us, in her grace, this undeserved blessing.

And when I look at her tiny, little face, I am so, so thankful that he did.

Navel gazing

 I heard someone use the term "navel gazing" the other day, and I had never heard it before.

Picture it, you're looking down at your belly button, and what expression do you have on your face? I'm guessing it's not a smile. How often does a happy, joyous, peaceful expression include turning our faces downward? Pretty much never.

Navel gazing is a portrayal of the "woe is me" attitude. We're sad, disheartened, discontent when we "navel gaze."

I really liked the phrase and decided to tuck it away for future use, because I think it's just so descriptive. "Stop being a navel gazer," which means look up, look ahead, look at what's around you. When we stare at our navels, we're not noticing the beauty around us, the moments filled with family and friends, the sun shining through the window, the smell of spring on the air. When we stare downward, we focused inward and on our own troubles.

I challenge you this week to look up, look ahead, look outside of yourself and stop being a navel gazer. There's a lot of wonderful things right in front of you if you take the time to focus your eyes forward.

Better news than Progressive insurance

I have been trying to come to grips with why telling people about God makes me uncomfortable.

I guess it boils down to fear. I'm very introverted, and it is difficult for me to talk to people out loud --- writing is just fine. It makes my underarms sweat just having to make phone calls. That means that thinking about discussing something as important as Jesus is quite terrifying.

I'm also afraid that people will ask questions that I don't know the answers to right off hand, or that I won't explain well. Many times in a discussion --- not even about faith --- I will think about it later and come up with something much better to say. I'm not good off the cuff.

I'm afraid of turning people off. When I think about people who have approached me about religion, even Christianity, a lot of them come off in a way that makes it very unappealing. They are too forceful, too fake. It doesn't make me want to be like them or "buy what they're selling." I don't want people to just shrug off what I have to say because I make it look unappealing.

I don't want to share at a bad time. What if I am jumping ahead of the Holy Spirit? What if that person's heart isn't ready to hear the good news of Jesus' saving grace?

However, as I think through all these things, it seems like God keeps repeating to me the words of our new pastor. "There's never a bad time to share the gospel."

Could it be that people will ask questions I don't know the answer to? Yes. I may have to look something up later. Could it be that I don't explain something right? Yes. I have to trust that God can use even my blunders. Could it be that someone sees me as annoying or fake? Yes. But that is not my problem if I truly am sincere. Could it be that I share at a wrong time? Yes. But I have to trust that the Holy Spirit will continue to work and perhaps that will just be a seed that is harvested at a different time.

When I saw the Progressive commercial above, it convicted me. If Flo can go up to a total stranger and be so passionate about insurance that she immediately begins sharing her good news, how much more should we all be passionate about sharing the best news? The news that Jesus loved people so much that he came from his place in heaven to live a perfect life in a human body and died in place of us --- a perfect sacrifice --- to cover our sins, and then that he rose again to beat Satan and death is the best news of all.

It's a lot better news than a discount on insurance, that's for sure.

A heart at peace gives life

 I've been reading through the book of Proverbs during my quiet time, and even with just two chapters every day, it seems like my brain can't take in all the wisdom that's in there --- which is prudent, since the theme of the entire book is the pursuit and value of wisdom.

Here's one: "A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones" (Proverbs 14:30)

Contentment has always been a big deal to me. I grew up frugal --- cheap... --- and it's important to me to not be constantly striving after stuff. I hate just browsing, because I don't want to get items that I don't need, and I don't want to pine after things. When an item is on my wish list and I just keep looking at it, it makes me uneasy. I feel unsettled.

When I decide that what we have is enough and am satisfied, I feel content, settled, at peace. It's true that a heart at peace, a mind that is content, gives life to the body. It is fulfilling and not draining.

Constantly striving for more, trying to keep up with what I see others have, desiring the next big thing rots the bones and makes one anxious.

We have so much. Let's look at what we do have and be at peace instead of looking at what we don't have and seeing emptiness.

Don't just fill your quiver but make sure your arrows are a formidable weapon

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!" (Psalm 127:3-5a)

 We weren't sure for a long time if we wanted to have children. It's quite the world outside, and we just didn't know if we wanted to bring kids into it. We were finally convicted by the thought that the world certainly isn't going to get better if good people stop having kids to avoid it, and instead we wanted to bring up children that were going to make a difference.

When the topic comes up about Christians having kids, the verse "Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them" is often trotted out. "Have as many kids as you can, that's what you're supposed to do." However, the verse before that is so important.

Arrows in the hands of a warrior are a powerful weapon. Warriors practice and gain knowledge about their weapon so that it will shoot straight and impact the enemy. Arrows are not harmless; they are made to inflict damage.

We have a child. So it's now our job to learn about our faith, to instill that faith into our child and to send her out on as straight a path as we can so she can inflict the most damage on the lies that permeate our culture, on the demons that are trying to destroy this world and to spread the hope of God's love that is this world's only saving grace.

Persecuted Christians in North Korea

 Our upstairs neighbors were driving me nuts the other night.

I turned off the TV, and when I tried to go to sleep it sounded like a herd of elephants was stomping around and running from one side of the room to the other above me. It was incredibly annoying, but I was glad that at least it was above our room and not our daughter's.

The next night, though, two loud thuds woke her up twice in the first two hours she was asleep for the night. I could feel my annoyance rising as I held her and shushed her back to sleep for the second time.

I felt like it was petty, but I knew that I could pray about the noise. God cares about even the little things in our lives. And I did pray about it, but it also made me think about an article in my Voice of the Martyrs magazine that was about the Christians that live in North Korea. It is estimated that 30,000 Christians are currently in concentration camps in the country, and one story said that a survivor told how often Christians have their mouths filled with gravel so they can't cry out when they are beaten to death.

Starving, beaten, forced to endure the elements while performing brutal labor --- these Christians have a life more horrible than I could ever imagine. Once called the "Jerusalem of the East," North Korea was actually a thriving Christian region in the early 1900s, with 2,000 or more churches. However, the Kim family's dictatorship now considers all religions, other than Juche --- which is worshipping the Kim family --- as illegal. Christians are treated as enemies of the state.

So, I decided that I would pray for the North Korean persecuted Christians while I sat and rocked our daughter back to sleep.

I can't say I'm not going to get annoyed again at the noise above us, but I can say, I think that it will be a constant reminder of the Christians around the world who are suffering right at this moment. And that noise will be a call to pray for them and maybe think more about the positives in my life instead of the negative.