A 99-cent dress

 I looked in my closet and pulled out the black and gold dress that I had planned to wear to an upcoming wedding.

It's been a few years since we've been to a wedding, so most of my nice dresses have been put away for a while.

I slipped into the dress and looked in the mirror, but it didn't fit the way that I thought it would. I tried on a few more and came across one that fit better than I thought, but it was about 12 years old and I thought maybe it was out of style --- or maybe I've had it for so long that it's back in style!

I had pretty much decided on this gray dress when I spotted a darkened stain on the skirt. I put some stain remover on it and washed it, but I guess a decade-old stain doesn't wash away so easily, so there I was back at square one.

There were a few more options, another older dress that still looks nice but has been worn plenty of times, or the black and gold original option that was OK but nothing stunning.

We're tightening up our budget a lot now that I'm not working, and I knew we didn't have any extra funds this month to be buying new clothes, especially for just one occasion, but I decided to head to a local discount store with our daughter to see if I could find anything.

I didn't.

So, I took a walk through Goodwill on our way back home and spotted a peach dress I thought might work. Dresses were $4.75, more than I really wanted to spend (yes, I didn't want to spend $5...) but I tried it on anyway.

I took it into the dressing room and saw that it had a red tag, which meant it was on sale. I didn't know how much, but I thought usually sale meant half-price at Goodwill.

The dress was nice, and I sent a video to my husband to see if he liked it. He was busy at work, so I walked around the store a bit to wait to see if he answered. He wasn't able to, and I debated whether I really needed to spend money on another dress when I had suitable options at home.

I decided to go for it and knew I could return it if I decided against it this week.

I took the dress to the register, and the cashier rang it up.

"99 cents," she said.

My eyes widened a bit.

"Wow. Well, can't beat that."

"Did you need the receipt?"

"No, I'm good." With a price like that, I didn't figure I needed to worry about returning it.

I took the dress home and tried it on with a pair of pumps and liked the look.

I had told my friend that I wasn't finding anything suitable to wear for the wedding, and she said she'd pray for me. I texted her and thanked her for her prayers and said I had found something, and for only 99 cents.

I have struggled a bit with what to pray for lately. We have some big things in our lives, and I bring them to God but I don't want to be too needy about material things. Especially with what has been happening to Christians around the world, most recently with those in Afghanistan, I just haven't felt like I could pray for trivial things.

But you know what? It seems silly, but that dress was like a little message from God telling me that he cares. He cares how I feel. And I thought, if God would bless me with something so silly as a 99-cent dress, why do I think that he doesn't care about the bigger things, trivial in the grand scheme of things or not?

It's a message that's been repeated several times in the last few days now that I look at it. Our pastor on Sunday said he was convicted during worship that he has been focusing on us pursuing God and loving God and not about how much God loves us. Our old pastor said in a sermon that I read that if we as parents, as evil humans, give gifts to our children, how much more so does God give good gifts to us? Nate even commented on a song on the radio that began with a nod to the verses about how the lilies of the fields don't worry about clothes and the sparrows don't worry about food but God cares for them, how much more does he care about us? Then the book I'm reading has been all about how God loves us and pursues us because we are valuable.

If you don't know it today --- God loves you. He cares about you. He's not bothered by your life; he has given you your life and he wants you to share it with him.

We are his first love, and he'll never stop trying to win us back.

The good vs. the bad husband

Our pastor said, "Imagine if your husband thought everything you do is wrong. He comes home, and he begins pointing out all that you have done wrong. Your clothes are wrong. The kids are behaving wrong. Your make-up is wrong. The house isn't kept properly. Dinner isn't good. How would that make you feel?"

I put myself in that situation, and my stomach churned a bit.

That would be awful. In fact, it would almost make you not want to live. If nothing you ever did was right, why even bother?

The pastor continued, "However, you die. You're brought back to life, and you're no longer married to that man. Now, you are married to a good man. This man couldn't love you any more. However, even though he doesn't see anything you do as wrong, he still is able to help you be a better person, to lift you up even higher. Would you ever think, 'Well, this is nice, but maybe I'll go knock on my old husband's door and try that relationship again'? Of course not."

That sounds absurd right?

The pastor was talking about Romans 7:2-3, which reads, "For example, by law, a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law that binds her to him. So then, if she has sexual relations with another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress if she marries another man."

I had always read that as straightforward. OK, don't get divorced, but if your husband dies, you can get remarried.

I had no idea until yesterday that this is a parable. Paul was actually talking about Jews and the law of the Old Testament disguised as a real-life story they could understand.

You see, the law is a set of rules that no one could ever live up to. You'd have to be perfect every moment --- both in your mind and in your actions --- of every day for your entire life. No human can do that. 

The law is a bad husband. It constantly shows you what you're doing wrong. "You broke the law --- you didn't give back the extra penny that the cashier accidentally gave you. You stole. You hate that person whose political views don't align with yours --- that's as bad as murder."

It's not that God gave the law to punish people, it's just that God is so perfect that he can't take anything less than perfection. So he gave the law to show people that they aren't perfect, and that they can't earn their way to relationship with him.

So Jews --- well, everyone --- have to die to the law and thinking that we can earn our way to heaven. We can't. Instead, God sent his son to live perfectly --- as God demands --- and to die in our places, for our sins. Then he rose again to beat death, and all we have to do is accept his sacrificial gift.

Jesus is the good husband. The church is the bride of Christ, and we all make up the church. He loves us so much that he doesn't even see us as doing wrong anymore. And at the same time, he is constantly lifting us up, helping us to do better. We have the best relationship, why on earth would we go back to trying to earn our way into heaven?

This fascinated me.

It also made me so thankful.

Earthly marriage is supposed to be a reflection of Christ and his church. Men are supposed to love their wives like Christ loves the church. "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her..." (Ephesians 5:25) As the pastor spoke about the good husband versus the bad husband, I thought about my husband. He loves me. He loves me so much that he looks past most of my faults. There are many times when I talk about something wrong with me and he just doesn't see it. Yet, at the same time, he pushes me to be better, lifts me up, helps me to be the best I can be and more.

My husband is a wonderful earthly example of the good husband that Christ is to the church.

I just can't even express my thankfulness. My thankfulness that Christ gave himself up for me and loves me so much that I don't have to be married to the "law," and thankful that my husband is a man of God who exemplifies this every day in real life.

More than we can ask or imagine

This church posts its weekly sermons, and regular viewership is around 20-30 views. The video above has 4,400 views. The one below has 1,200.

That's because these two messages are from Sgt. Jim Smith, who was recently shot and killed in his role as an Iowa State Trooper. People now know his name and are looking up what he had to say.

When I see these messages, it brings tears to my eyes and makes me think about life.

First, I see that Jim gave the "Act Your Age" message a month ago. No one ever thought as he was giving it that this 51-year-old man would be gone in only three weeks' time. We never know what the future holds.

Second, I think about the fact that as so many people mourn the loss of this godly man that it is so much different for him. Because he loved Jesus so much and had accepted Jesus' death and resurrection in place of his sins, Jim is now experiencing the utmost joy --- he is in the presence of God.

Third, I think about these views. When Jim gave these messages to his small-town church, I'm sure he expected maybe 50-100 people to hear him. I'm sure he never thought that his messages would reach thousands, and that thousands more would hear the gospel message of Jesus' sacrifice for all of us at his funeral. It makes me think of Ephesians 3:20-21, "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen."

In the midst of heartbreak and turmoil, God is able to still use Jim and his legacy, immeasurably more than I'm sure he could have ever asked for or imagined.

I'm so sorry for Jim's family. I'm so sorry for all the people who loved him. But I'm thankful for a God that can redeem a terrible situation and use it to reach people for His glory. May Jim's family be proud that he is continuing to set an example even now.

This too shall pass...

 People in the world have been going through some hard things.

There has always been difficulty, but I think that the past year has just amplified the bad that is going on all around us.

When we ourselves are going through a hard time, we often get mired down by it. We wallow in it. We focus on the bad.

But sometimes, it is good to think ahead about a day when what you're going through won't seem quite so terrible. Your baby will sleep, eventually. Our kids will go back to school, eventually. Winter will be over, eventually.

"This too shall pass."

It might sound flippant, but we've all gone through difficult times before, and we've come out on the other side. However, that doesn't mean that we weren't a little worse for the wear.

I heard a quote on the radio, and I immediately wrote it down. The radio announcer said the typical, "This too shall pass." But then she went on to say, "It might pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass."

That means that when we're going through a difficult time, don't expect to just skate through it. It might be hard. It might be painful. It might seem like it's taking forever to resolve.

However, it will pass.

Eventually.

It just may hurt while it's passing.

A surprise love of learning

I like to learn.

I have found that out about myself in the last few years. I was always good at school, but I honestly think that most of that was more due to my ability to memorize facts and not that I'm smarter than people who don't get straight As. I got better grades that my husband, but he is definitely smarter than me --- I just applied myself.

I didn't particularly enjoy school. I liked some of my classes, especially my writing classes in college, but I always knew that I had no desire to continue my education past a bachelor's degree. It just didn't seem worth it, and I certainly didn't want to spend any more time or money on schooling.

With my last job, though, I was constantly learning. I worked in the environmental field, something that was completely foreign to me, and I came home with new tidbits every day. I was excited when I found out something new that I could tuck away and use for conversation later or that I could share with other people who would care --- and sometimes those that didn't.

Now that I'm not working, I've discovered that I still have a desire to continue learning.

A friend that led our small group at our former church inspired my husband and I to look into reading biblical commentaries. We also have a radio talk show host that wrote some biblical commentaries that we wanted to look into.

It turns out, we have loved them.

I love digging deeper into verses and books of the Bible that I thought I knew so well and learning what the original text is literally translated as, what the culture of that time was like, how there is so much more meaning buried in every sentence that what I thought when I just read lines quickly to check off my Bible reading for that day.

Then I read a book on apologetics --- basically how to discuss the Bible and how to back up what I believe in. I'm pretty sure that I will have to read that book many more times.

Each time I read a book, I put another on the list that I want to read. Plus, I get excited about being able to share tidbits about what I've learned with others, just like the way I got to share nature tidbits from my last job.

I've realized that my love for learning has been fulfilled by delving deeper into the Word of God, and that makes me really glad that we are blessed enough that I am able to not work right now. Without working, I've been able to dig into a study area that's even more important than the environment --- my relationship with the creator of the environment, the creator of nature, the creator of the universe.

And there's so much more to learn.

All God's grace

 There's a sign in our daughter's room that was given to us at her baby shower.

It says, "All God's grace in one tiny face."

It's a sweet saying, and it is on the wall right above her changing table. I was sitting across the room while I was nursing her, and I looked at that sign. I had just read a sermon that talked about the difference between mercy and grace. Mercy is God not giving us what we deserve --- for instance, he doesn't send all humans to hell to pay for all of our mistakes, all of our sins, which is what we deserve when we compare our filth to his perfect righteousness. Grace, however, is God giving us what we don't deserve.

I looked at our daughter's tiny face and realized that sign is exactly what she is. Grace. God gave us a tiny human that we absolutely don't deserve.

I don't deserve the smiles that she gives me. I don't deserve her love. I don't deserve the opportunity to raise her. I fall short so often.

However, God saw fit to give us, in her grace, this undeserved blessing.

And when I look at her tiny, little face, I am so, so thankful that he did.

Navel gazing

 I heard someone use the term "navel gazing" the other day, and I had never heard it before.

Picture it, you're looking down at your belly button, and what expression do you have on your face? I'm guessing it's not a smile. How often does a happy, joyous, peaceful expression include turning our faces downward? Pretty much never.

Navel gazing is a portrayal of the "woe is me" attitude. We're sad, disheartened, discontent when we "navel gaze."

I really liked the phrase and decided to tuck it away for future use, because I think it's just so descriptive. "Stop being a navel gazer," which means look up, look ahead, look at what's around you. When we stare at our navels, we're not noticing the beauty around us, the moments filled with family and friends, the sun shining through the window, the smell of spring on the air. When we stare downward, we focused inward and on our own troubles.

I challenge you this week to look up, look ahead, look outside of yourself and stop being a navel gazer. There's a lot of wonderful things right in front of you if you take the time to focus your eyes forward.