Beyond all I can ask for or imagine

A few months ago, I noticed a dark band running down my thumbnail.

I thought it was odd, but it didn't go much beyond that. When it didn't go away, I decided to look it up online to see if there was a reason for it.

Since the Internet always jumps to the most dramatic conclusion, the most logical explanation seemed to be that it was a sign of melanoma. I sent a photo to a local dermatologist who said that it did indeed need biopsied, and my doctor agreed.

Of course, that led me down a rabbithole of looking online and just confirming my worst fears. It led to praying, crying and worrying as I waited.

I've always struggled with worry, and it can get out of control pretty easily with me. I finally found some prayers online and a blog that helped me to rein in my terror. I keep repeating 2 Corinthians 10:5b, "we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." I need to keep repeating the truth that God is bigger, greater and has everything under control.

One of my favorite fictional characters says in a book that God is not up there wringing his hands going, "How did this happen?"

The reason that I have been freaking out though, is because my life is just too good. I'm so worried that something is going to happen and my life is going to be taken away from me. I'm worried that I won't get to see my daughter grow up, live a full life with my wonderful husband or get to have any more children with him. I absolutely love every moment of my life with my husband and daughter, and I just want more of it.

I have such a tight hold on my life, that it is difficult to unlease my grasp and give it to God. I know he knows best, and I pray that there is nothing wrong when I get the biopsy next week, but giving up control is difficult --- even though I don't actually have control at any moment. Any moment any of us could die for a number of reasons.

Today, my favorite book characters quoted Ephesians 3:20-21, "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen."

Immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine.

Our God is so big that we can't even think to ask him to do all that he can do. We can't even imagine what he can accomplish.

That is power.

In this crazy year, when it seems like around every turn God is showing me that I have no control, but that he is truly in control, it's a nice reminder that he is so powerful that it's beyond anything I can ask for or imagine. He can do literally ANYTHING. If anyone is in control, I want it to be him.

I've got to let go of all that I hold so tightly to and give it to him, because it's better in his hands than mine anyway.