We had a pretty crazy birth with our firstborn (see the first part of that series here), and I went back and forth with our current pregnancy about whether I wanted to have another C-section or not. After doing quite a bit of research, we felt like it was safer to opt for a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean).
However, we went for a consultation this week that didn't end quite as expected. Although I knew most of what the doctor said, she mentioned that in our ultrasound that day it showed the baby has a velamentous cord insertion --- meaning that the umbilical cord actually doesn't reach the placenta, and the blood vessels then travel to the placenta unprotected. She said that could mean they could become compressed during labor and restrict blood and oxygen flow to the baby.
I just nodded my head as she talked, trying to absorb in my pregnancy-fogged brain what she was saying. It didn't mean we couldn't try for a VBAC. It was just up to us.
My mind fought against this news. Mainly because I had my heart set on a natural birth this time. We want more kids and having a natural birth would mean we wouldn't be limited by how many C-sections I've had. I don't want to not be able to lift up our daughter after surgery, because I don't want her to feel left out and like baby is getting special treatment. I had a horrible recovery last time, and I don't want to go through that again.
I fought back tears a bit as Nate and I talked through what the doctor had said.
Really, there is no answer right now. I have weekly appointments to check on the baby until it's due, and that should answer what the best thing is to do. However, with my already higher risk birth, adding this complication that can double the chance of stillbirth makes it seem like a C-section is on the table pretty firmly again.
We know that God is in control, and we certainly are not. If our pregnancies have taught us anything, it's that we really have no control in this whole process. I'm glad we have a God we can rely on when we can't do anything in the interim. When I was able to process a little bit and talk with my husband, we talked about how the most important thing is to get this baby here safely, and our future children are in the hands of God. If he plans a C-section for us now, then that may be our answer for how many children we are to have. We just need to figure out what the safest arrival for our baby will be right now.
As I started to research velamentous cord insertion, I ran across the statistic that about 33 percent of first trimester miscarriages have this issue and 26 percent of second trimester miscarriages. That made me think, maybe it's a miracle that our baby is alive and thriving with this condition. It could have ended differently. We had first trimester bleeding, diagnosed as a rather large subchorionic hematoma, that frightened us after our previous miscarriage (I wrote about that here). Instead of looking at this latest diagnosis as another scary proclamation, I need to look at it with gratefulness that God has sustained our little man through something that claims the lives of many growing little ones.
Plus, once VCI is diagnosed, it seems like it's not too scary and just needs extra monitoring. Without diagnosis and monitoring, it can be much riskier. Maybe the desire to have a VBAC was God's will to have an extra ultrasound and reveal this condition that allows us to make wiser decisions for the safety of our baby. Maybe if we hadn't uncovered this condition it would have led to something more serious during birth.
So today, I'm going to choose to be grateful. I'm grateful that our little man is growing well despite this abnormality, that he's a good size, that he's active, that he's alive. I'm grateful that we know exactly what's going on with him. I'm grateful that we're able to have doctor appointments to uncover issues such as this. I'm grateful I'm not in control but God is.
