How was Mary feeling?

Merry Christmas!

Time flies, because I didn't realize it had been a month since I had last blogged. I thought today seemed like a good day to head online, because unlike most people, I don't have a lot to do today. My husband works a lot of holidays, so they are usually relaxing and rather uneventful. For a homebody introvert like me, that is just fine.

But yesterday we did get to celebrate. We spent some time with friends whose family is like our second family away from home, for which are so thankful. Then I went to the Christmas Eve service at our church, which was so wonderful and refreshing.

I have to admit that this time of year, even as an adult, Christmas begins with thoughts of getting gifts. We were done Christmas shopping really early to get gifts to our families since we weren't going to be them over the holiday, but it still began with "What am I going to get everyone?"

So much of our holiday revolves around what we're getting. The tree doesn't look right until it has gifts underneath it. The kids aren't satisfied unless they get the right toy.

Gift giving is fun, and if we place it in context as a reminder for the greatest gift ever received --- Jesus --- then we're doing alright.

But I had a thought yesterday at church. The pastor was talking about how Jesus was revealed to the wise men, who were from afar, and God wants to draw people even that are far away. He said Jesus was revealed to the shepherds, who were the most lowly in society, because Jesus calls even the most lowly.

Jesus' identity was also revealed to his parents, Mary and Joseph. Think of how society looked on them --- they were an unmarried couple, pregnant, and so looked down upon that no one would even give up their room to a nine-month pregnant woman.

In today's society, the pregnant woman is given a good parking spot, a good seat, and people want to help make her comfortable.

Unless she is a member of the lowest part of society and looked down upon. Then people avert their eyes. And that's what Mary had to deal with.

Can you imagine her embarrassment about how people looked at her for nine months? She knew she didn't do wrong and had an amazing gift, but it still would have been so hard to have people laugh, snicker and shake their heads when they thought she wasn't looking ---- or maybe even to her face.

Then imagine her embarrassment when she couldn't even have her baby in a room. She knew she was carrying God's son, and yet she couldn't even find somewhere to have him. She had to have him in a stable and put him in a feed trough. Manger sounds so sweet today, but it was a feed trough.

If I knew that I had the responsibility of carrying and raising God's son and couldn't put him anywhere but a feed trough, I would be so ashamed. I would be embarrassed. I would probably even be angry that God couldn't give us a better place to be.

It must have been so hard at that moment, but when we look back, we see the nativity as a beautiful story that began that night. It is a story of God's son coming to earth, living a sinless life and then taking on our sin to die for us and rise again to defeat Satan and death for those who accept his gift.

So whatever you're going through right now --- it may seem extremely hard, embarrassing or like God shouldn't be putting you through it. But God works in ways that we can't understand, and it may be thousands of years before his purpose is revealed.

When you look at the nativity, think beyond the pretty star and the sweet baby. There was so much going on. And it was the start of even more.

Merry Christmas all.

And thank you Lord for coming.

Fasting for show

We have been going through the book of Mark in church, and today we are at chapter 2 verses 18-22.

John's disciples and the Pharisees are fasting while Jesus was feasting. There was really only one day that Jews were required to fast --- the Day of Atonement. Other fasts were voluntary to ask for help or forgiveness. However, fasts were added twice a week for some people to show how religious they were. It was not mandated anywhere in the Scripture.

They used these extra religious showings to show off, basically. It was for man, not for God. In Matthew, it was written to not look gloomy while fasting like the people who used it to show off rather than to worship.

Instead, fasting is supposed to be for God. A passage in Isaiah says that God loves people who are giving and who look out for the less fortunate rather than those who put up a show of fasting. Fasting itself does not even appear that important to God. Instead, he wants his people to be working in the world for the good of others, not to show off how righteous they were for themselves, for their gain.

Jesus gives two examples --- you can't sew a piece of unshrunk cloth on shrunk cloth, because the patch will shrink and separate, and you can't put wine in old wineskins or they will expand more and burst. He meant that the new gospel doesn't pair with old Jewish tradition. Jesus was bringing something new. He was bringing salvation through faith in him. The tradition of fasting was not going to save these men. They couldn't hang on to the old. They had to accept the new, accept Jesus.

Jesus is exclusive. Faith in him is the only way to be forgiven and saved.

A God that associates with sinners

This morning, our pastor talked about how Jesus was classified by his association with sinners. People looked down on the fact that he hung out with tax collectors, drunkards and people with ill reputations, but his response was that healthy people don't need a doctor, people who are sick do.

I am extremely thankful that Jesus loves and associates with sinners.

Unfortunately, this world is pretty messed up. Even the best of us fall down. We hurt people without realizing it, or intentionally when we feel like it. We lie. We swear. We are mean. We are crabby. We are sinful.

If Jesus didn't associate with sinners, this world would be a lost cause. We would have no hope. We would live the best we could and that would be it.

But Jesus does love sinners.

He loves us so much that he came into the world to reach us. He became a man, died on the cross and took on all the punishment for our sins and he rose from the dead to conquer Satan and death. If we just accept his gracious gift, we can overcome our sin and live an eternal, perfect life in heaven.

I read a comment on an Instagram post once about how morbid Christians are, that we live for another world that is not this one. That may seem crazy to people. However, when you think about how short this life is and how eternal death is, it makes sense. We live in a hope of a better place, a perfect place, a place that is how earth was designed to be before sin entered it.

I am thankful for hope beyond the grave. I am thankful for a God who so loves us sinners that he would extend the grace that we need to meet him. I am thankful for a God who not only associates with sinners but forgives them.

That's what I'm grateful for today.

How about you?

Kitchen experimentation

I am thankful for new recipes and for being blessed to live in a place where we can experiment with so many dishes in the kitchen.

There are plenty of people in the world who don't have enough money to eat and are thankful for a bowl of rice. There are cultures where people eat similar foods most of the time.

I love that we live in America and have so many cultural influences creating so many different and unique foods, and I also love that in the United States we have so many different climate regions that allow us to sample different foods.

This past week, I have tried a lot of new creations --- homemade croissants, In 'N Out copycat burgers, roasted garlic and caramelized onion bisque, Asian duck tacos, cream puffs and apple cinnamon walnut muffins.

I'll admit that some recipes have turned out better than others, but it is fun being able to try new things. I also have empanadas and papa rellanas on the meal list.

Tonight, I am attempting Parisian gnocchi.

It is actually made from the choux pastry, or pate choux, dough that makes eclairs and cream puffs. I have a traditional potato gnocchi recipe too, but it takes a long time, and I saw a woman make these little dumplings on the Food Network so I'm giving them a shot with some roasted brussel sprouts.

I'll let you know how they turn out!

Yay for long weekends

I am thankful for long weekends.

My husband and I get to spend evenings and weekends together probably less than half of the time. Our work schedules differ, and his constantly rotates, so we often miss out on spending time together. That's why we usually prioritize our time together when we our schedules do align.

This weekend, on a three-day weekend, we had three whole days off together.

I'm not sure the last time that happened. Honestly. It's probably been years other than our scheduled vacations.

And it was wonderful.

We had time to relax; we ran a couple of errands; we ate food; we watched football; we went to church together; we went to the gym.

And we smiled a lot.

Last night, we were going to Wal-Mart because we started wrapping Christmas presents and realized we were out of tape, and we talked about actually having time together.

"Is this how normal people live?" he asked me, smiling.

"I think so! Couples actually see it each!" I answered.

But you know what, a lot of couples don't prioritize their time together, because they are used to being together. One perk of having opposite schedules is that we put our time together above meetings and chores and we instead have fun.

So, I'm thankful for long weekends together, and I'm thankful for a husband I love spending time with.

A church that preaches from the Word

I am thankful for a church that preaches from the Bible.

There are a lot of churches, a lot of pastors, a lot of ways to listen to preaching. You can go to church, you can listen to podcasts, you can watch sermons on TV, you can listen to the radio. With technology, it's unending the ways that you can experience the Word of God in our country.

Yet, I think it is rare to actually hear the Word of God being taught. A message may start with a verse or two, but it often that turns into what we can learn from the verse, how the pastor interprets it, how it can be put into practice, what we're doing wrong.

That's not all bad, but I have seen many messages turn into opinion instead of staying true to what Scripture says.

When we moved here, we had to find a church that we would both like. Coming from a non-denominational background and a Catholic background, we knew it may be hard to find a place that meshed our expectations.

Our church though has drawn us because of its dedication to preaching the Word of God.

The pastor doesn't just pick a random Scripture, we study books of the Bible. We don't study just themes, but we go verse by verse. We don't just look at a verse and interpret in today's language, our pastors go back to the original text to figure out what the verse originally meant. Why did the author write it? What was the original intent?

I have learned so much since we started attending our church, and it has also changed the way that I read the Bible.

There is so much to the Word of God that we miss when we just race through it or glaze over while reading.

I'm thankful for a church that inspires me to learn more and delve deeper.

Weirdly thankful

I am thankful for yeast.

This is a weird one, but I absolutely love to bake, and I love to bake bread. It amazes me every time the way the dough comes together, and the yeast makes it rise. I love the feel of bread as the gluten activates during needing, and the smell of the yeast working.

Last night, I wanted to make cheeseburgers with a copycat In 'n Out burger sauce that I found on Pinterest and I realized that I was out of buns.

I didn't want to go to the store, and I had seen a couple of recipes for homemade hamburger buns, so I looked up "homemade hamburger buns" and found a 40-minute recipe.

In no time flat, I had whipped up the dough, kneaded it and made little balls, letting them rise for 10 minutes before going into the oven.

They turned out glorious.

Seriously, so good. So good in fact that I was going to take a picture of the burger but shoved it in my mouth before I remembered. And then I did that with the leftover burger I ate for lunch.

There is just something about leavened bread that makes you feel warm, cozy and satisfied.

I'm thankful we don't have to go through life with boring bread. I really am thankful for yeast.

Thankful for our great God

I am thankful for a God that is greater.

This week alone, a friend of ours was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer and my best friend's aunt died suddenly.

Fear. Grief. Heartache.

This world is full of so much sorrow, and yet, in those moments we have hope. The response is typically, "You're in our thoughts and prayers."

But I don't think that means much to many people. Thoughts are nice, but they aren't going to help anyway. Prayers can though.

I keep coming back to this verse that I read in Acts about how Paul was shipwrecked, and when he built a fire, a cobra came out and bit him on the arm. The natives watched him, waiting for him to get sick and die.

But nothing happened.

Nothing happened!

I think that God is so big that he can work in situations, but natural things happen. If someone is bitten by a poisonous snake and doesn't receive help, that person is going to die. It's only natural.

Yet, God can intervene in those situations. He is bigger than poison. He is bigger than cancer. He is even bigger than death.

It blows my mind when I really stop to think about how great God is and how much he is in control.

He can heal. And when he chooses not to heal, it is still not a loss. When someone has accepted Jesus as his or her savior and is forgiven of his or her sins, he or she gets to go to heaven! Even death can't win.

I am thankful that in moments when everything seems lost, we can throw up our hands and reach for our Savior.

God is bigger. He is greater than we can even imagine.

Lifelong learner

I heard on a podcast that I like the hosts call themselves "lifelong learners."

I hadn't heard that before, but I realized that is exactly what I am.

I am so thankful that I have a job where I get to learn something new everyday. Sometimes it is something about the environment --- did you know that the fleshy flap of skin that hangs off the top of a turkey's beak is called a snood?

Sometimes I get to learn new skills. On Friday, I got to learn how to drive a Bobcat and also drove a wheel loader.

Sometimes I learn about history. While working on new exhibits for a historical site we run, I had to look up some of the Native American artifacts. I found out that eagle feathers were awarded to braves in battle, and our eagle feather, which is serrated on both sides, was awarded to braves who counted coup --- showed bravery in the face of the enemy --- four times in battle. I also learned about Native American headdresses and what the feathers mean.

I love our small group when I learn the history behind a book of the Bible, and I love church when I learn what the original Greek text said versus how I had always interpreted the English.

I also love working with volunteers and picking up life lessons along the way, like the day my volunteer quoted an Amish proverb --- "Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without."

I get so much joy from learning, and I had never realized before just how much it excites me. I'm thankful today for a job that lets me do different things every day and that lets me continue to learn.

Thankful month

It's November, and that means that Thanksgiving is approaching.

As I sit here, realizing again that I haven't blogged in a while, the things that keep popping into my head are things that I am thankful for.

So maybe what I should do is focus on thankfulness this month.

This afternoon, I was thankful that my husband is so good at anticipating my needs.

Last week, he picked up the leather boots that I have worn every day for the past two winters to buff them, and they were looking a little rough.

"You need new boots," he said.

So, I got to looking and found a pair, but there were awfully expensive. I left them on the computer screen to show to him later, and I came home the next day to him having found a coupon to make them much more within our price range --- still expensive, but the quality was worth it.

I was super thankful that he went ahead and found a way to make them work without me having to ask him, and they arrived today. I'm excited, which he finds silly that I would get excited over boots, but I guess that is one way I'm girly.

The second way he anticipated my needs today was when I was dozing watching TV after work. I heard him in the kitchen filling up the teapot, and I was going to ask him if he would make me some tea or coffee.

"What are you doing?" I called out.

"Making us coffee," he said.

He brought me a cup before he had any, and it made me happy.

It may be little things, but the way that he watches me and anticipates what I may need always makes me thankful.

I love that man.

The ultimate example

There are times at work that I think, "That's not my job."

But then I notice that my boss is outside mowing or is sifting compost or is grading the driveway, and I think "That's not his job either." It makes me realize that we all have to pitch in where we can to make everything successful.

It's important that a boss set an example for his or her employees, because if they see him or her only doing a small share of the work, then the employees will only do a small share of the work. If they see him or her coming in late, then they will think it's OK to come in late. If they see him or her talking rudely to people, they will think it's OK to talk rudely to people.

Conversely, if a boss sets an example of a positive atmosphere, most employees will probably follow that. If the boss sets an example of honesty and zealousness, the employees will most likely follow. If the boss sets an example of going over and beyond, then the employees will most likely follow.

That goes beyond just the workplace too.

Think of volunteers in your community. Think of people at church. When you are surrounded by lazy people, you can rationalize that you don't need to help out. But if you are surrounded by people who are constantly being selfless, you feel the need to do that too.

Do you see that in your kids? Do they follow your example? Do you see it in your spouse? If you are selfish, does that make them want to be selfless? No. If you are selfless though, it may inspire them to be that way as well.

Jesus set the ultimate example with his life, and with his baptism. When he went to John the Baptist to be baptized, Jesus didn't have any sin to confess. He didn't have to repent and be baptized like John the Baptist was encouraging others to do.

However, Jesus wanted to set an example. If he wasn't baptized, his followers could say, "But Jesus didn't get baptized. Why should I?" In his perfection, he wanted to lead by example. He wanted to submit to baptism to show he was living a life that was right before God and not just right before himself.

We have the ultimate perfect example to follow. Hopefully, if we follow him truly and with our whole hearts, we will inspire others as well.

Choose love

Confession: I watch "Real Housewives of Orange County."

I pretend like I don't. I hate admitting to Nate what I have been watching when he comes home and it's on. But it's my guilty pleasure. I've watched it enough seasons now that it's interesting to see how these ladies' lives turn out.

And it's like a train wreck. You can't look away.

But this week, one of the women said she is getting a divorce. She and her husband live apart and only see each other on weekends, and she said they realized they aren't "in love." They are best friends and attracted to each other, but they aren't in love.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again --- Love is a choice. It is not a feeling.

I just wanted to take her and say that. If you love him like a friend and are attracted to him, you can bring back your marriage. It may take some commitment. It may mean actually moving to the same town. It may mean work. It may mean change, but that is a choice.

I think people are so used to divorce being the ending of marriage, that they don't even realize that they can put in some work and make a marriage successful. It's like it's not even an option.

People put work into raising their kids right. People put work into making their job a success. People put work into making their hobbies successful. Yet, somehow marriage escapes the need for work.

Wake up each day and choose to love your spouse. No matter what it takes.

And if you don't believe me --- all the other women on the show were also confused. They have been through divorces and told her to not give up, to work at her marriage. If these crazy broads believe in trying to make a marriage work, you better listen....

A lesson in being Molly

We had to say good-bye to our pet rat, Molly, about a week ago.

She had come to us in an unusual, and unexpected, way. At my work, we had rats for a couple of years, but as they died, we were having trouble replacing them, because no local pet shops sold rats anymore.

We had one rat left, and she was only a couple of months old. So the question became, what do we do with her?

One male co-worker said, "Feed her to the snakes."

Another said, "Let her go in the prairie."

I grabbed my chest, horrified. "No! I will take her home with me."

I quickly texted my husband, to make sure that was OK, and he reluctantly agreed.

Almost two years later, Molly had become a beloved pet. We spent time with her at night, letting her run around, feeding her treats, watching her share a Nylabone with Novie, giggling as she drank out of Novie's dog bowl and clicking to her and seeing her run toward us to answer our call.

Like many rats, though, she started to grow cysts. They quickly expanded, and within two weeks she could barely walk and couldn't hold her food in her little hands without tipping over. It was heart-wrenching to watch, so Nate had to put her down. Her quality of life was gone.

It was sad to clean up her area and to dismantle her cage.

To so many people, rats are gross, even domesticated rats. The typical reaction when people found out that we had a pet rat was shock, mild disgust or at least a questioning look. We knew people thought we were weird.

But to us, that gross animal was adorable. We knew her, and she loved treats, people, scratches and exploring. She was a better listener than our dog and was a pleasure to have as a pet. She just loved.

We were so much bigger than her --- she only weighed a few ounces. Yet, she trusted us completely. She would crawl into our hands when we opened her cage, because she knew that we were going to let her play and bring her goodies. She didn't care realize that she was so small and insignificant, she knew she was loved.

I think that's kind of like our relationship with God. We are flawed beings, so icky that we shouldn't be loved. We make messes. We're so small. We're truly insignificant in time.

Yet, God loves us. He cares about us. He blesses us. He picks us up, wraps his arms around us and showers us with undeserved love. He picks us to cherish, even though we don't deserve it.

We loved Molly for reasons not apparent to others. God loves us for reasons that aren't understandable.

But she was thankful for love. And we're thankful for love.

Small, insignificant and treasured. Just like a little rat.

Take a moment to learn and be thankful for it

When political conversations come up, they often become angry, harsh and leave people with bitter tastes in their mouths.

Sometimes that is because you just can't understand why the other person would think the way he or she does. However, sometimes it is because you see a rational point in the other person's argument and don't know how to respond.

Dennis Prager segmented out Republicans versus Democrats in the argument that when conservatives find something wrong in their argument, they are happy instead of angry, because they want to fix it. I would use the example that my mother-in-law posted a meme on Facebook that said Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton were in favor of 36-week abortions, which a leftist relative pointed out was a false accusation. At that point, conservatives are usually happy to take down the meme and fix it. If the opposite was the case, the expected reaction would be that leftists would instead get mad and shout back.

This is obviously a generalization on Prager's part. Not all conservatives are happy to fix mistakes, and not all leftists are angry and obnoxious about mistakes being pointed out.

I think it's better to look on this as a moral point rather than a political one. It doesn't matter what side politically you're on when you think about how you react to someone pointing out an error in your thinking.

When someone rationally says that something you thought to be true is actually incorrect, and can prove in with facts and not opinion, how do you react? Are you upset and stick to your guns, even when you realize that you are, in fact, wrong? Or are you grateful that you can now fix the error for the future.

What about when it is something you have done? When you make a mistake at work, do you own up to it and try to fix it for the future or do you get mad and try to blame what happened on circumstances or something else?

I think it's important that, as hard as it is, we all take responsibility for our beliefs, our actions, our words. When we are legitimately wrong, it's important that we are grateful to find out our faults so we can fix them and not be obstinate in our wrong-doing or wrong-believing.

If we all were a little more open to realizing that we are human and capable of wrong, our pride wouldn't get so much in the way. We could make ourselves and the world around us better if we took moments to learn instead of moments to get mad.

What do you think about?

What do you think about when there's nothing to think about?

This question came up as a part of a discussion during our church small group a few weeks ago, and the "Sunday School" answer was supposed to be God/Jesus.

When you're bored, when you're relaxed, when you're rocking in a chair on the porch or sitting around a fire --- what do you think about? Are you praising God for how awesome he is? Are you contemplating how can you make a difference in someone's life? Are you thinking about how blessed we are that Jesus died on the cross for our sins and rose again to beat death?

I doubt it.

I started contemplating the question. What do I think about when there's nothing to think about? I think about my husband. I think about my grocery list and what meals I can make next. I think about the to-do list at home. If conditions are right, usually when sitting around a fire at night, looking at the stars, I do think about how small I am and how big God is and I praise him for caring about me, even as such a small speck in the history of time and space. But for the most part, what I'm thinking about when there's nothing to think about is not about God.

Out of the fulness of the heart, the mouth speaks. I would also say, where your heart is, where your priorities are, that's where your thoughts trail to.

So, although it's not a bad thing that my mind tends to wander to my to-do list and my meal preparations, it's not necessarily where my priorities should be.

I have thought a lot about my shortcomings lately, and I have decided that I should stop trying to fix myself and fall more in love with God, and hopefully, out of the fullness of the heart my mouth will begin to speak. Hopefully, the closer to God we all become, the more we think on him, on good things, on truth, on holiness, on love. The more we fall in love with God, the more our minds will also speak where our hearts are.

Sin is like a bucket of chicken

While at a girls weekend recently, I went to my best friend's church and her pastor gave a great analogy about sin.

He said it's like going for a run carrying a bucket of chicken. You're trying to eat what you enjoy, but it's hampering your run. It's not good for you, it's difficult to do, it looks silly to those passing by. That chicken is holding you back.

So put it down. Put it down and run the race.

I thought about that picture for a minute, and it truly does look silly. I thought, "Put the chicken down and you can come back and eat it later. Focus on what you're doing."

But, how many times have I come back from a run and wanted to eat something greasy like fried chicken?

Never.

(OK, I don't run all that often either, but still, I know enough that I wouldn't want fried chicken afterward.)

That makes even more sense when you compare it to sin in our lives. We think we want something and that it's delicious and we cling to it. But if we just put it down and run the race of this life, we will soon find that we don't even want that yucky sin anymore. Suddenly it doesn't even appeal to us. We want something better, something healthy, something that is going to help us run even harder.

What bucket of chicken are you carrying? Do you realize how silly it is?

Put it down.

Run the race.

Let go of your sin, and leave it behind.

Playing in the parking lot

I spent a wonderful weekend with my college girlfriends, celebrating two new babes on the way and reminiscing about old times.

My best friend told a story about her trip to California a few weeks ago with her husband and her 2-year-old son.

She had bought her son some new sand toys, and they headed to the beach to see the Pacific Ocean for his first time.

When they got the little boy out of the car, he was so excited to use his new toys that he started to dig in the sand in the parking lot. When his parents wanted to head to the beach he said, "No, I'm digging in the sand."

She pointed and told him, "The beach is not here, it's over there. Follow me up the hill and you'll see the whole beach and the ocean. You don't want to play in the parking lot."

But he was having fun there and didn't understand that the beach would be so much better, so he refused to go with his parents.

Finally, they just picked him up and carried him to the beach, where he could dig so much deeper and had so much more fun than in the parking lot.

What a profound metaphor for our walks with Jesus.

How many times have we been content where we are, unable to move, even when we feel God prompting us to go?

"No, it's nice here. I am enjoying myself."

"But my child, I know what's over that next hill. It's wonderful. It's so much better than here. Just follow me."

"I don't want to!"

Sometimes it takes tears. Sometimes it takes God picking us up and forcing us to move. Sometimes we miss out on something that could be so much better because we just didn't want to move.

Is God telling you to leave the parking lot? Does he have something so much better over the next horizon?

Don't be afraid of what you can't see. God sees it all. He knows what he's doing.

Teton vacation: Death Canyon

Our last day of hiking started with a promise.

The place we were entering was called Death Canyon.

However, instead of it looking barren or being so tiring as to kill us, we were hoping the name for it came from the fact that it led up to our goal of Static Peak, where lightning strikes often.

We began with an ascent, followed by a descent down to Phelps Lake.

"We are going to hate going back up this on our way out," Nate commented.

Yet again, this canyon, located in the same area as our other hikes, was completely different. Instead of the evergreen forest of the day before, these evergreen trees seemed to be a part of a rainforest. Everything was damp, and the appearance of ferns made it seem even more exotic.

We were passing through an area of the trail where it opened up to a small meadow, and Nate stopped. His outstretched arm pointed to a dark spot near the trees.

A moose!

And she was nursing her baby. We knew that mama moose are considered dangerous, because they will go to great lengths to protect their calves, so we slowly backed up to keep a good distance between us.

A local couple had come up behind us, and all four of us waited while I took some shots of the moose, with the calf hidden behind her. The mama didn't seem in any rush to leave, and we weren't sure what to do. The local couple had done the Death Canyon hike before, and they said the trail curved past the moose, so we shouldn't have to get too close. We let them go ahead of us along the muddy trail, assuming they knew what they were doing.

The trail did curve, and we continued to follow it. It became steep, a rocky mass switching back and forth through the canyon, along a rushing, powerful waterfall created from all the snow that was still melting from the mountain.

After several miles of uphill, we finally made it to the main part of the canyon. A group of brown signs near a deserted cabin marked out our options. I had hoped we were close to the end at that point, but the sign pointing north read "Static Peak Divide, 4."

Four more miles.

We head into what appeared to be a more deserted trail, with most people continuing on the flat path through the canyon to a lake in the distance. Nate really wanted to attempt to summit Static Peak, and although I wasn't confident in my abilities, I started up the path. He always let me lead on uphill parts, so my shorter legs could set the pace instead of attempting to catch up with his long strides.

We passed an open valley where we lost the trail for a while, because the entire valley was filled with remnants of an avalanche. Two-foot diameter trees snapped like they were twigs. Giant evergreen branches that smelled like Christmas, because they were still freshly downed. Tree trunks strewn about like kindling. Imagine the power of snow that could have taken down such root systems.

Up and up. Up and up. Up and up.

At some point, my legs were so tired I could barely feel them. Even my arms and fingers started to tingle with the altitude and exertion.

Nate had picked a place to eat and rest, to contemplate if I could keep going up to the peak ---- "I don't think I can do it," I said, to which he responded, "That's just because you have that word 'can't' stuck in your head," to which I stubbornly responded, "OK, I'll keep going as far as I can."

However, we weren't even to our lunch spot when yet again, we hit a pass with the dreaded white stuff. It wasn't a lot of snow, and it wasn't even a wide pass, maybe 20 feet across. However, just below it, the canyon went straight downhill. It ended at the mass of broken trees at the bottom, and we knew how they had fared with the tumble downhill. There's no way our bodies would survive such a fall if it did occur.

So, disappointed, we turned back once again.

Another lunch of MREs. A trip back along familiar terrain.

We were just entering a section with boulders along a little stream, when Nate pointed out a marmot that scurried into the bushes along the trail.

"It looks so tired. I wonder if we woke it up," Nate said.

We looked around and started to see other brown masses along the rocks. One marmot was flat on its stomach, head down, eyes slightly open to look at us uncaringly. Another was on its side, obviously enjoying the sunlight that finally shone down, making the rocks shimmer after days of clouds. Another marmot was a few rocks away, sleepily looking at us.

"OK, we definitely woke that one up. Apparently it's marmot nap time," I said, and we laughed at the sight of the adorable animals.

Hours later, far downhill, we were just about back to the point where we had seen the mama moose. We were walking along one of the narrowest parts of the trail where you had to walk through a stream that branched off of the river on the other side of the evergreen trees next to us.

Some people stopped ahead of us, and we soon saw why. A cow and bull moose were walking around at the outlet of the watery trail, obviously agitated that we were blocking the only small path through the canyon.

Nate jumped up on a boulder to the left of the trail and gave me his hand, pulling me quickly up with him. Others started to follow us, and the moose looked on with annoyed eyes and bucked heads.

One man stood to the right of the path, holding a walking stick and looking like he wasn't sure why the moose weren't passing by next to him.

"They have a baby hidden nearby I'm sure," Nate said. "They just wanted to pass through the canyon. If we all get out of their way, they'll be able to pass by."

The other people still along the trail climbed up to the boulder as the bull moose ran from the meadowed area down to the trail.

The cow peaked around at us from behind some bushes, not 20 feet away.

The bull moose ended up going to the river and traipsing through the water, then stood on the other side of the path, pawing at the ground and looking at the cow. Finally, she followed suit.

"This is our chance to get out," Nate said, and we quickly scrambled down the boulder and high-tailed it out of the canyon before the moose came back to find us too close to their baby.

We entered the switchback with an overview of the lake and were in awe of the beauty of it with the sun shining. It had been a cloudy trip, one that kept us from overheating, but the photos weren't quite the same without the brilliant blue sky we knew was somewhere up there.

I clicked one last picture.

However, with the sun, the area where we knew would be humid if it ever warmed up because of all the rainforest-like damp plants, was just as we expected. The air became stifling, and we began the ascent up.

"We knew this was going to be horrible," I said, as we panted in the sunshine and humidity.

Going up after we had already made our main descent was something neither of us wanted to do. But we trekked along, and we made it before making the final descent once again to the car.

We drove out of the park for the last time and said good-bye to the Tetons.

A beautiful, serene place for a relaxing, rejuvenating vacation. And we didn't want to leave.

Teton vacation: Paintbrush Canyon

The third day of vacation, we were up as the numbers on the clock shone 5 a.m.

Nate pulled the Camaro onto the mountain pass that was shrouded in clouds, and we began our ascent. It wasn't long before we spotted something in the distance. It appeared to be a chestnut horse coming out of the woods, and it took me a second to realize that it wasn't a wild horse --- it was a moose!

When Nate had asked me what I wanted to see on vacation, I had asked him the same question back. His response was, "A moose."

We hadn't seen one during our trip to Yellowstone, and I knew that had disappointed him, but here we were, less than 12 hours later, and we had spotted his moose!

The giant creature gangled forward on impossibly long legs and hopped right over the metal railing denoting the side of the roadway.

It was only a few seconds, and it was gone, but we saw a moose!

We continued driving up the mountain, through plenty of fog, until we were high enough that the air cleared. We turned the corner where we knew Jackson Hole would lie, and yet, there was nothing.

Our eyes opened wide, and we both looked at each other with shocked expressions when, instead of a city sprawling in the distance, it appeared that an ocean was filling the plain between the mountains. A dense cloud covered the entire area, blocking out all view of civilization and spread out in a white mass, reflecting like it was waves.

Then road twisted and began its descent, and it wasn't long before we knew for certain that it wasn't an ocean covering the land but indeed clouds. I tried to open my eyes to look for wildlife on the sides of the road --- to even see the sides of the road. However, as Nate drove through the cloud, it was almost impossible to see anything that was around us. It's moments like that I'm glad that we are safely in his capable hands.

The fog began to lift as we descended, and finally broke as we reached an elevation below the cloud. What had gone from a bright sunny day on the top of the mountain turned into a dreary, dark day below the clouds.

But the dreariness didn't stop us. We strapped on our packs and headed on the trail around Leigh Lake to where we would trek into Paintbrush Canyon on our way to Holly Lake. I stopped at an opening in the trees to take a picture of the mountain in the distance reflecting off of the mirror-like water.

That's when we heard a thud next to us.

A walnut had landed on the packed earth, and we looked up into the tree as a squeak resounded. Another thud, and the rustling of leaves and some more squeaks. It was a squirrel, and he was not happy that people had invaded his territory, especially so early in the day. Apparently, he had been enjoying some breakfast when we broke the silence, and he showed us what he thought by grabbing the biggest things he could find around him --- walnuts --- and heaving them down upon us.

"We're leaving, we're leaving you little twerp," I called up to him, as he looked down upon us in disgust.

We walked over a wooden bridge spanning quietly running waters between lakes and started up this new trail, keeping an eye out for a mama moose that a sign warned us was aggressively protecting her baby in the area. We passed one couple, and then no one. Silence. Pure wild.

"It's amazing how just one canyon over, everything can look so different," I said to Nate.

The scenery was completely different from our first day of hiking. We walked along what appeared to simply be an old creek bed, wondering how full of water it got when rains came. Giant evergreen trees emerged from both sides of the path, making us feel so small in such a wild area.

Giant boulders were strewn amidst the trees, remnants of a volcanic eruption hundreds of miles away, thousands of years ago.

We marveled at the place, at the amazing waterfall that was tucked away from everything and everyone else, at the solitude, at the natural beauty, at a world so untouched.

About seven miles in of the eight mile trip to Holly Lake though, we began to see the world get white. Although we were only at about 8,500 feet in elevation and snowpack wasn't supposed to hit until 9,800 feet, this area of the canyon apparently didn't see as much sun as other areas.

The area in front of us was white, and slippery. If you took one wrong step on this packed snow and didn't have something to catch you, you were sliding right down the mountain.

Disappointed, we turned back. We had lunch along a beautiful waterfall as it began to sprinkle rain once more.

Before we left, we stopped at the visitors center. We have a tradition of purchasing only one souvenir when on vacation --- a Christmas tree ornament. That way, we don't waste money on souvenirs, and each year we get to remember our wonderful trips as we decorate the tree.

We found a wooden moose and figured since we had seen a moose that morning, it was OK to buy that ornament.

We were driving home when we confirmed we had made the right decision on the ornament. A truck in front of us put on his hazard lights and began to slow down as a mama moose and a baby decided to make the dreaded highway crossing. The truck beeped his horn, trying to warn other vehicles of their presence and the calf jumped, tripping over its long feet and over the metal railing, tumbling headfirst into the grass on the other side.

It popped up and ran after its mother, acting like its gangly legs hadn't made the crossing more awkward than it had to be.

We smiled at the poor baby moose and at our little wooden ornament that would help us remember it.

But we didn't know that our next day was to bring even better moose moments.

Teton vacation: Yellowstone

When Nate mentioned that the Tetons were so close to Yellowstone National Park that we would be able to pop up there for a day, he wanted to go to the more secluded north side of the park to hike.

My first question was, "Can we see Old Faithful?"

I had never been to Yellowstone before, so of course, the quintessential tourist spot was first on my wish list.

Nate said that Old Faithful was commercialized but he would go with me.

The second day of our vacation, it was supposed to thunderstorm and even snow in the Tetons, so we thought that would be a good day to hit Yellowstone. We ended up sleeping late and lazing around a bit, so we showed up with the majority of the crowds right at noon.

Driving through the west entrance in Montana (check another state off my list), we followed the main road past some great tourist spots. Nate remembered seeing paint pots and the Grand Prismatic Spring when he visited with his family as a teenager, so he thought we should stop by those spots too. They were right on the way to Old Faithful.

On a normal day, the Grand Prismatic Spring is aglow with bright turquoise, vibrant green and metallic yellow colors as it bubbles forth its hot waters.

The thing is, when we went, the temperature was hovering in the 40s. Hot water and cold air makes...steam.

We walked past so many Asian tourists up to the spring, and instead of vibrant colors, we could barely see the people next to us. The entire area was a cloud of steam, to the point that the side of our faces next to the spring were actually wet. Tendrils of my brown hair darkened to almost black, and Nate's hair looked gray on half his head with the beads of water that clung there.

"This isn't what I was hoping to show you," Nate said, and we laughed.

So we moved on.

I was amazed as Nate took a turnoff --- a park so big with an attraction so huge it has an exit ramp? ---- for Old Faithful. We passed shops and restaurants and thousands, I really mean thousands, of people.

After stopping off for a $17 bite --- a wrap and a sandwich, welcome to tourist country --- to eat, we went outside for the approximately 1:45 p.m. eruption of Old Faithful.

As we stood in our rain coats, cold droplets continued to fall. A family group came up next to us as the temperature dropped and one boy said, "I think it's snowing." Some of the raindrops had frozen on their way to the ground.

Old Faithful gurgled as the masses of people watched. I was amazed at the number of people who showed up for a simple geyser eruption. I got my camera ready for the sight.

Then the water started to shoot up into the air.

But we could barely see it.

Again, the heat of the water and the cool of the day made for a majestic sight --- a giant cloud that appeared to be made of erupting water on the side where the wind slightly blew the steam away. I smiled to myself and shook my head.

Not what I expected.

We pushed our way past crowds, and I apologized to Nate for making him wade through all the people just to see Old Faithful again. I knew that was not what he wanted to do, but he let me have my fun.

So we got back in the car and drove north to the Lamar Valley. We stopped off at one overlook to laugh at the sight of all the heated vents in the area. On a normal day, you may not notice all the steam being put off, but on this day, it was obvious every time we passed even the smallest of vents, because the ground puffed white smoke.

We got about a half-hour north and knew we would only have about an hour and a half to hike before we needed to drive the two hours back to our tiny house. However, we ended up hitting an area with road construction.

"It will about 20-25 minutes," the lady with the stop sign said.

"OK. That's fine."

It was only about 10 minutes before cars coming from the opposite direction started to pass us.

"Well that wasn't too bad, only 10 minutes," I commented.

But cars kept coming. And coming. And coming.

It was a solid 25 minutes worth of cars coming from the north, and we were almost going to turn around, when it was finally our turn to move. Nate shifted the low-lying Camaro into drive, and we headed out following a white truck.

It wasn't far before the road in front of us disappeared.

This wasn't road construction. This was road demolition. The Camaro bumped along the rutted path, and Nate gingerly tried to avoid as many potholes as he could. Then we saw the white truck in front of us bump down into a giant puddle, dirty water splashing halfway up its tires. My eyes widened as I tried to figure out how the Camaro was going to make it through.

Nate found some high ground on the edge and plunged past.

By the time we made it through a half hour of off-roading, there was only one car behind us. I have no idea where the lineup of cars decided to turn around, but I'm not surprised they did.

Our time was up. Now have to go around the other side of the park to exit and not hit the road construction again, we had zero time to hike.

We dealt with crowds, people literally parking on the road and rushing out of their vehicles to try to glimpse a grizzly, line-ups of pedestrians standing on the roadway to try to see a black bear and her cubs --- masses of people who didn't care about the fact that these are wild animals and that other people may be trying to drive.

We oggled over the Lamar Valley and were saddened that we didn't have time to explore the majestic beauty on this overlooked side of the park.

Nate had asked me what I really wanted to see at Yellowstone, and I told him a bear. We had passed buffalo, elk, deer, a coyote, and then finally at one of the hold-ups, someone outside the car said, "A black bear is sleeping under a tree."

I got out the binoculars and spotted a black lump under a tree in the distance, wearing what appeared to be a dog collar.

A black bear.

Cool.

Teton vacation: Cascade Canyon

Blow-dryer-like winds in Vegas.

Red rocks hills in Utah.

Grassy knolls split apart by home-like agricultural fields in Idaho.

The landscape had changed over and over again in the 10-hour trek from where our flight landed in Las Vegas to the small town of Victor, ID, where our tiny house that was our home for a few days sat.

Then it was to be our first day hiking in the Grand Teton Mountains.

We were up early, had a breakfast of Raisin Bran Crunch and coffee created in a tea press because the French press at the tiny house was broken and were in the 2018 Chevy Camaro convertible up the mountain pass.

Up and up we went, and then, around a corner, the scenery dropped off sharply. Below us sat the town of Jackson, WY, otherwise known as Jackson Hole. If you haven't been there, it gets its nickname from that fact that it's literally situated in a hole between mountains. Everything around it rises from a flat plain, not gradually as one would expect but sharply. It's like the land couldn't take being flat one moment longer and just had to shoot upward toward the heavens.

We purchased our park pass in the visitor's center and saw two important notes behind the park ranger at the desk. The white board said, "Snow pack 9,800 feet" and "Bugs are out!"

We had wondered coming up the trip whether our plans would be impacted by snow. Nate had shocked me when about two weeks prior he showed me a blog post that said the mountains still had 4-7 FEET of snow.

The park ranger suggested hitting up Cascade Canyon first, to avoid the places where the snow pack would impede our hiking. Since it was early, there weren't too many people in the Jenny Lake parking lot inside Grand Teton National Park.

It was supposed to rain, so we put on rain gear, strapped on our packs and headed on the trail that began winding around serene Jenny Lake.

I kept fidgeting with my pants, because my upper layer of bright pink waterproof pants were getting bunched with my underlayer of Patagonia hiking pants, both new for this trip as I'm just getting into hiking and have never had appropriate outdoor clothing before.

"Are you OK?"

"Fine," I answered, knowing that if I kept fidgeting that I would just annoy him since we were only 100 yards from the car.

"Is that a woman's 'fine' that doesn't actually mean fine?" he asked.

"Yes. I'm not fine, but I'll deal."

Another couple hundred yards in, we were both starting to sweat, even in 50-degree weather, so we unloaded our layers and figured we would pack them away until it actually started to rain.

The scenery was beautiful. The mountains seemed to rise up from the calm lakes, and the higher you went, the better the view. On this side, the mountain seemed a giant up close, and across the lake, on the other side of the park, the range seemed calm and silent in the hazy morning.



Past a waterfall, over wooden bridges, up a path --- a barricade blocked our way.

CLOSED.

What!?

How were we supposed to go further if the path to the canyon was closed?

On the sign, the map showed that the shortest route was closed, but a horse path that wound around the other direction would still allow us to access the canyon. So we climbed back down, around and made our way back up.

Through lush greenery, I stopped every so often to just oggle as we made our way through the forest.

"You've got to keep going. I'm getting eaten alive."

I turned around to see Nate swatting mosquitoes from his face. The bugs were indeed out, but like usual, they weren't affecting me. I had felt one mosquito bite me near the temple on the right side of my head and hadn't thought much about it. However, Nate's sweet blood was once again drawing in the blood-suckers, and every time I stopped to admire the scenery, they descended on him en masse.

So we kept climbing and climbing and climbing.

At one point the canyon opened up to a beautiful river, rocky protrusions and the mountains silently roared like giants above us, daring people to take them on or to just sit and enjoy the massive beauty.



As we were walking, we heard this shrieking chirp.

We stopped and looked around, expecting to find some kind of bird watching us. But we didn't see any birds around.

Finally, Nate quietly pointed ahead of him. There, on a rock about 20 yards away, was a little creature. He pointed his head ahead of him and shriek/chirped again.

The little thing looked like a cross between a rabbit, a rat and a little stuffed bear. It was absolutely adorable. However, it was apparently not happy that we were invading its territory and it was bound and determined to let the others nearby know that all was not well.

We found out later the little creature is a pika. It lives in alpine areas, and it's adorable.


We stopped for lunch and then checked the radar, and a thunderstorm was on its way.

Although we had only gone in six miles, and wanted to explore further, we were worried about being so high up with lightning in the area. So, we made the disappointing but safe decision to head back.

Rains came and went, but no thunder reared its ugly head. However, during one downpour, we were shocked as the giant raindrops turned white and became little, hard pieces of sleet pelting us. We laughed at the irony of sleet on our June vacation, and I put up my hands like a child to feel it come down on us through the canopy of trees.

Finally, nearing the Jenny Lake overlook once again, we began to encounter more and more crowds. We were amazed that with severe weather coming in so many people would venture out into dangerous territory.

Families. People who were definitely out-of-shape --- who I had respect for, attempting this terrain --- and senior citizens. We passed by group after group, making our way back to the car.

"Don't you hate it when people come up fast behind you and blow past you?" Nate overheard one man say.

As he passed the old man on the left.

Stop pining after what you don't need

We have a wedding to attend this weekend, and although I expected to be able to wear a spring dress, it doesn't seem like spring has quite hit the Midwest yet.

So that meant that my closet full of strappy dresses suddenly looked a little barren of options. Pair that with a slightly more casual wedding --- my husband is wearing jeans as the best man --- and I am at a bit of a loss of what to wear.

I'm a pretty firm believer that it's better to be a little overdressed than underdressed, but I really only have two nice dresses with any sort of sleeve. Both I have worn many times and to weddings with many of the people that will be at this wedding.

However, we're focusing on saving and have had a few budgetary crunches this month, including having to get our pipes snaked when our kitchen and bathtub refused to drain. So I knew that I needed to select a dress from my own closet.

But I love dresses. I love all kinds of dresses, and anytime we go somewhere, my favorite part is finding a new dress to wear. So I started looking at dresses online, knowing that I wouldn't purchase one but just enjoying looking.

However, the more I looked, the more I thought maybe I could just find a cheap one. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to go even more above our budget than we already are. Maybe it would be OK to splurge.

The more I looked at dresses, the more I wanted one.

I realized that what I was doing was simply tempting myself with something I shouldn't do. I know I can rationalize spending money on a new dress --- we hardly ever buy new clothes --- but it wasn't a priority at the moment, and it certainly wasn't a necessity.

I tried on the dresses in my closet yesterday, and I have a perfectly viable option. It's not new, but I haven't worn it to a wedding in a couple of years, and it still fits me well. It has three-quarter sleeves and I think is a happy medium between dressing nicely and not looking completely overdone.

What we spend our time on often ends up being our priority, it ends up being what we do. What we focus on can make something small seem like something big.

I have found when I focus on not having something, it's all I want. However, when I focus on what we have and what we have prioritized in our lives, I feel so much more satisfied.

It's all what we spend our time on and what we spend time thinking about.

So I'm going to think about how much fun this wedding will be and how much more we will enjoy that $20 somewhere other than on a stupid dress that would get stuck in the back of my closet after I wore it. It's not important, and I'm not going to think about it anymore.

Struggling to live for what so many die for

I finished reading "Hearts of Fire: Eight Women in the Underground Church and Their Stories of Costly Faith" and am working on "Defying ISIS," and it's making me realize that church persecution is alive and well in the world today.

With the current political climate, we talk about how Christians are under attack in the United States, and I don't think many of us realize what Christians are going through in other parts of the world. In "Defying ISIS," the author talks to Christian refugees who wonder why Americans aren't standing up for them, why we aren't fighting for them when we know what's going on. Yet, I didn't comprehend what was going on.

Yes, I knew that ISIS was bad, but what they were doing to Christians? The fact that almost 90 percent of Christians in the Middle East have been annihilated or forced to convert? The fact that ISIS fighters are buying and selling Christian women and girls and using them for tortuous lustful acts?

I'm trying to process this information and how we can actually make a difference in that world. What can we do?

But another question popped up. "It has always been a mystery to me why so many Christians in the West struggle to live for what so many Christians in persecuted counties are willing to die for," Johnnie Moore wrote in "Defying ISIS."

I so often think that the goal of being a Christian is to be a role model and to get people to like you, because if they like you, they will want to be like you. If they want to be like you, then maybe they too will want to become a Christian.

In the persecuted world, it's not about living for other people. It's about living, and dying, for Christ. It's all about Jesus. Through persecution, in troublesome times, they will get to talk to people about God. They're not worried whether those people like them. They are worried about what they are doing for God.

Through persecution, the gospel often grows, it said in the book. That seems counterintuitive in the West. It seems if Christians are being persecuted, who would want to become one? But I think it's the example that if people are willing to give up their lives for something, that something is important.

God can work through any situation. I think we need to stop wanting people to like us and wanting to live comfortable lives, thinking that if we're happy and content then that means God is shining down on us.

Almost all of the Apostles were martyred. People hated them. People didn't like them. It was God working through them that brought people to himself, not the fact that people liked the Apostles.

I struggle to read the Bible and to pray, because there are cushier things to do. I want life to be comfortable. Those who know life is not about comfort and who have nothing but faith truly are blessed.

I keep thinking the goal is to get to heaven and to hear "Well done, good and faithful servant." But who am I compared to those who are every day suffering and risking their lives for God? They will surely hear the phrase. I think we have to work ever so much harder to truly become good and faithful servants.

It is easier for a camel to go through an eye of a needle than for a rich man to reach heaven. Because us rich men don't have any idea what it is truly like to "live for Christ" and to be willing to die at any moment for him. We struggle to live for what so many are daily giving their lives for.

I think it's time I remember that.

Thankful for...

Something came up that made me think about my attitude in life. I think I’m a positive person, but maybe that isn’t quite so apparent to others. So, I have been watching myself to see how I reacte in different situations and to see if I’m more complaining or pessimistic than I think I am.

Being in an optimistic and positive place, I wanted to make a list of things I’m thankful for today. Maybe it will inspire you to make your own.

-Warmth. I tend to not create a lot of my own body heat, and right now I’m sucking the warmth from my fat bulldog that is cuddled on my lap under a blanket. I love being warm. I’m so thankful that I don’t have to suffer from cold unnecessarily like so many people do.

-Safety. I just started “Defying ISIS” by Johnnie Moore and have joined Voice of the Martyrs and have realized so much persecution is going on that I didn’t even consider. I’m so thankful for my safety here, and I’m determined not to take it for granted, because it’s for certain not a given for my entire life.

-Creative outlets. At work, I have been working on new exhibits, and I love getting to be creative in my job. I also love that I can redecorate, make new crafts and crochet at home. It’s an amazing feeling to be creative and make something useful. That feeling of success is something I’m thankful for.

-Grace. At Easter, we focus on God’s grace, that he sent his Son to die in our places for our sins. Without that grace, we’d all be screwed. And I’m also thankful for grace in life. I’m thankful my husband gives me so much room to make mistakes and is gracious when I mess up. It’s a true gift to be given that.

That’s all for the moment.

What about you?

Who wants $25 anyway?

Your mom hands you $25 to go pick out a toy as a kid.

She tells you that the money is only to buy a toy and if you decide not to buy one that you have to give the money back. However, if you buy a toy, you get to keep it.

It's a no brainer, right?

You buy a toy.

You wouldn't want to squirrel away the $25 because you couldn't keep it anyway. You might as well buy something so you come out ahead in the end.

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose."

I'm not sure this is a perfect example of this quote that I wrote down in church a couple of weeks ago, but I think it makes sense.

When you think about the Christian life, it doesn't look tempting to some people. It looks like you have to give up everything fun in order to live by faith. But life is something we can't keep anyway. Right now, I know people struggling with cancer. They are young, and they aren't choosing to give up their life. It's just that life is temporary. We can't keep it.

However, when we give up this life to live for God, we gain something better. We gain a life on earth that is full of peace in every circumstance. We gain a sense of purpose. We gain unconditional love. We gain eternal life with Jesus in heaven. We gain unending perfection, unending life, unending peace.

None of these things can be lost.

So it's like that $25. Why would you keep it when you can have something better than just money and when you wouldn't get to keep the money anyway?

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose."

Silent Country

As I laid in the grass, soaking up some pre-spring sun in the tall, tall brome, I couldn't help but think about the quiet that was making so much noise around me.

And although I usually think it prose, in memoir, this moment seemed like it needed something more.

Silent country
It's quiet along that old, gravel road.
No background music.
No women laughing
or crying
No fans cheering.

It seems almost silent
when technology isn't controlling,
when screens are black
when speakers are off.

But lay back in the solitude
where grasses tap your cheeks
and the bright sunlight seems to speak.
And it's not quiet at all.

Rat a tat tat.
The downy woodpecker moves
along the branch
tapping, tapping, tapping
for dinner along the way.

Phoow.
Winds gust as a mass
of starlings make their way
from the grove giants
to the field stubble.

Gobble gobble gobble.
There's no disguising the sound
of the dark mass in the distance
that reveals itself through its call.

Honk honk honk.
To-wheet.
Crunch.
Glug.
Whoosh.

Silence is golden.
It's also black, brown,
gray, white,
clear,
blue
and yellow.

The minuses of unforgiveness

Forgive others as God forgave you. Forgive those who trespass against you so the Lord will also forgive you.

Starting a sermon on Philemon, the pastor talked about forgiveness. The book is about a slave that ran away from his master — most likely stealing money from Philemon to make his way. But Paul saw a change in the slave Onesimus when he became a Christian. So Paul asked Philemon to forgive his slave, to welcome Onesimus home as a brother.

Forgiveness is a difficult concept. Perhaps the way to look at it is not how good forgiveness is, but how bad unforgiveness is. Not forgiving makes us stressed, bitter, depressed. It keeps us up at night. Vengeance from unforgiveness leads to hatred and death.

Watching “Sons of Anarchy,” the lives of the bikers deteriorate because of hatred, unforgiveness and vengeance. This quote might be the perfect ending to a discussion of the need of forgiveness.

“I realized that in my downward spiral of hopelessness I was actually falling into a huge hole created by my absence of basic human graces. The most obvious is forgiveness. If I was wronged by anyone, in or out of the club, I had to be compensated by money or blood. There was no turning the other cheek. When relationships become a ledger of profit and loss, you have no friends, no loved ones, just pluses and minuses. You are absolutely alone.” - John Teller, “Sons of Anarchy”

Thanks and giving

We were driving across the state on our way to visit my sister-in-law's family and I was reaching my hand into my new Pioneer Woman jar for some more homemade apple chips when "Thud."

I froze with my hand hovering above the jar and looked at my husband with huge eyes, and his expression mimicked my own.

The car had shook with the explosive noise, and I put the jar lid on as a grinding noise started somewhere underneath the vehicle.

"Did we blow a tire?" I asked, my eyes still huge and the dog on the backseat looking at us like "What the heck?"

Nate pulled onto the new off ramp and slowed the vehicle down on the shoulder. We both put on the coats we had taken off during the drive and opened our doors to the -15 degree temperatures and frigid winds of the day.

We walked around the car.

Nothing. No exploded tires. Nothing hanging underneath the vehicle. No smoke coming from under the hood.

It didn't look like anything was wrong.

We were almost exactly halfway between where we were coming from and where we were going, out in the middle of nowhere on the Saturday before New Year's Eve. The temperatures for the next few days were not supposed to get much above -10 degrees, and this is the time that we have car trouble?

Nate looked under the hood, around the tires and tried to figure out where the grinding sound was coming from but to no avail.

We called my dad, the usual guru in times of car trouble and tried to explain what happened. It wasn't a chunk of ice in the wheel well; there was no snow buildup. There was absolutely nothing visibly wrong.

"Where are you? We can head out to meet you and your dad can help Nate work on the car," Mom offered.

"No, we're too far away. It's too cold. There's nothing we could do at this point anyway," we answered via speakerphone inside the Dodge Journey.

We were blessed that not only my parents but Nate's sister also offered to drive hours to come pick us up. What a great family we have.

After much back and forth, we decided to head to the closest people we knew --- Nate's grandparents who lived about 45 minutes away. Maybe then Nate could figure out how to fix what appeared to be a wheel bearing issue.

We called my dad and told him, and immediately he said, "Do you want me to come help you fix it? I'll toss some tools in the car and drive over."

"That's a 2.5-hour drive for you; you certainly don't have to do that," I said. "I mean, if you want to, that'd be amazing, but you certainly don't have to."

But he did.

He drove 2.5 hours to us. He spent 5 hours in a cold garage underneath a cold car on a frigid night, changing first one wheel bearing then another and finally deciding it wasn't the wheel bearings after all but the rear differential.

He spent the night in a stranger's house (Nate's grandparents, but still, my dad didn't know them) and got up early the next morning to make it home to my mom.

We didn't even really know how to respond, because I think the percent of men that would drop everything at a moment's notice and drive halfway across the state to help his grown daughter and son-in-law work on their vehicle in absolutely freezing cold temperatures has to be slim to none.

That, folks, is generosity at its finest, selflessness at its core, love in action. It makes tears come to my eyes thinking just how much God has blessed my family with a man that is so often silent and yet so often speaking loudly through his actions.

It's impossible to thank someone for that, to show how much we appreciated that. We gave him an MRE. That's the best we could do.

But we're so thankful. We're thankful for my dad. We're thankful we made it home safely. We're thankful it wasn't worse than it was. We're thankful for a giving family that will house us at last minute's notice. We're thankful for family that will do anything to help. We're thankful for offers of assistance from kind strangers.

In what could have been a situation that led us to memories of a horrible New Year's trip, I now have memories of what a great family we have, and what an amazing father I have.

Thank you Dad. It's not enough, but thank you. I love you.

Jesus changes everyday life

It’s not just a new year resolution, it’s something I’ve wanted for years — a closer relationship with God. But it’s easy to put something that you don’t “see” on the back burner for what is in front of me: A dirty house, piles of laundry, baking to do.

But reading a new devotional so far this year has been good. It’s helped me already to remember just how big God is, just how much I underestimate him and just how much he deserves much more of my praise.

The last part of Colossians we’re looking at in church has a similar theme — “How does Jesus change everyday life?” He should change every part of our everyday life.

1. Jesus makes us people of prayer. We should pray all the time.

I’ve never been good at prayer. My mind wanders like a kid in school with ADD. After I read my devotion for the day I’m trying to at least say a prayer of praise about how good and how big God is. I am great at asking, but I know that God deserves so much more glory and praise than what I offer.

If you can’t think of what to pray about, be thankful. Pray for open doors to share the gospel message.  Pray for those in the Middle East who are being persecuted, for those hiding away in North Korea or China, for those who don’t know God in Africa or the South American jungles.

2. Jesus changes ordinary choices.

We are to use wisdom to make wise choices, not just right choices. Colossians 4:5 says, “Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time.” While something may not be wrong, we need to be extra wise to see how something may be perceived. It might not be wrong, but how will someone else view it and will that open or close the door for the gospel?

We’re also to make the best use of our limited time. This is always convicting to me. I tend to be a little lazy. We don’t have kids, so my time is my own. At home, I do fritter it away relaxing in front of the TV and snuggling with my puppy. I should be doing the stuff on my list, or should be praying or calling a friend or writing a letter. My time would best be spent elsewhere. Perhaps I need to put a limit on it...

3. Jesus changes the way we speak.

I am not much of a talker, but many people turn people away with their words or their tone. We should speak with gracious words.

4. We need good Christian friends.

I am blessed to have some wonderful, godly women in my life. And I need to be that good Christian friend to those around me. I need to be closer to God so that is reflected in my life and my friendships. We need people who will lift us up and show us what is beyond our culture, beyond worldly values.

Jesus, our faith, should change everyday life. Let’s make a resolution that 2018 will be a year that reflects those changes.