My feelings tend to come in my gut.
When I do something wrong or think I've done something wrong, I get a sickening pit in my stomach. Until I resolve it, that pit stays in my stomach, and I absolutely hate it. It makes me anxious and stressed.
When I go for a while without that pit in my stomach, I'm happy and at ease.
This past week though, I've gotten that feeling a few times. It has come when I've said a little something or done something that I realize afterward wasn't the right thing to do. Usually, I feel better when I have apologized for what I've done to someone, but these things didn't seem like they really were anything that warranted an apology, just were things I shouldn't repeat.
But they still gave me that pit in my stomach, and I wanted to ignore it because it didn't feel good.
When I started thinking about what I did and whether it warranted an apology, I realized that this aching feeling that I hate so much really is the conviction of the Holy Spirit.
I have been praying for a closer relationship and that I wouldn't be afraid to go through troubles or be put in uncomfortable situations if it means spiritual growth, and I think that God is answering my prayer.
Conviction isn't fun, and I don't want to feel bad, but if it means that I'm learning the little things that I do wrong and are realizing them enough to not want to do them again, then that is growth. That is answered prayer.
I'm trying to listen to the Holy Spirit and that convicting feeling more and appreciate when it comes so that I can grow instead of being afraid of feeling bad for a little bit.
May the little changes help me to be a better mirror of Christ in my life, and may I learn to grow a little bit closer to him every day.
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