The doctor was exactly right that I could feel tons of pressure, pulling, but I didn’t feel any pain. It was only a couple of minutes until the doctor said, “Dad, do you want to watch?”
Nate leaned taller and looked over the barrier as I heard the doctor say, “Look at all that hair! Wow, she’s big. She just keeps coming out.”
I turned my head to the left and tried to get a view of my daughter as she was looked over by the nurses. Just past Nate, I saw a little leg go up in the air and I smiled as I saw a fat roll on the thigh.
She has fat thighs like I did. And tears started to flow.
The anesthesiologist looked at me. “Are you in pain?” I shook my head. “Are they happy tears?” I nodded and smiled as I watched her. Finally, they held her up a bit so I could see her scowling face.
Then I heard from behind the curtain, “Well, that could be terrible.”
What? My concentration switched from our infant daughter to trying to hear what was going on with me.
Nate looked at me, “Are you OK?”
I shrugged my shoulders a bit and looked at him questioningly. “I think so.”
A few minutes later, the nurse looked at me, and I think she could see that my focus was still on listening to the doctors about what was going on with me. “Are you OK?”
“Am I OK?”
The doctors called out for the anesthesiologist to give me medicine, and then another kind of medicine. She gave me a shot of something as well.
We heard later that I have an anatomically off body and that an artery that is supposed to run next to my uterus actually curves in front, and it was cut during surgery. I lost blood and hemorrhaged to the point that my doctor later told me “Your uterus looked like shredded meat.”
As they were repairing me, I gave it to God. I looked over at you at prayed, Lord, if it’s my time, please take care of my baby.
Thankfully, it wasn’t my time.
They brought you to me and placed you on my chest for some skin-to-skin time, and we took our first family photo. I talked to you, and I could see those dark blue eyes looking at me with questions.
“She recognizes your voice, doesn’t she?” Nate asked.
“Yeah, I think she recognizes my voice but not my face and is trying to figure it out,” I said.
My upper body had continued to shake badly throughout surgery and was still shaking with you in my arms. They took you and gave you to daddy while surgery wrapped up, and nausea set in. You and daddy left to another room to weigh you and check you over, and I vomited as the operating room was cleaned up.
Doctors and nurses congratulated me, and I tried to respond, but I felt horrible. They transferred me to yet another bed and wheeled me down the hall into a room where I could see you. I just wanted to throw up and feel better, but there wasn’t anything in me and I laid there feeling miserable. Your wonderful daddy was holding you with a big smile but looked at me consolingly as I felt about ready to pass out.
The anesthesiologist kept giving me more and more Zofran to combat the nausea but nothing seemed to be working.
Finally, I felt like I could open my eyes.
“Do you want to try to nurse?” The nurse asked.
I nodded and sat up a little in bed.
They placed you in my arms and tucked you under the covers with me, and we attempted to nurse a little bit.
The nausea quickly went away with you in my arms.
Kiley, you're my hero!
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