10 years ago today

It was 10 years ago today that I was only 15 years old, had never had a boyfriend and had never been kissed.

A junior at my high school had asked me out about a month ago, and we had spent each weekend together since. We went to a friends' house, saw the movie "Miracle" and held each other's sweating hand throughout the film and we later hung out instead of going to Turnabout --- although Nate had been invited by a friend of his.

We had hung out in each other's basements, and I knew that Nate wanted to kiss me, but I hadn't let him yet. I just acted like I didn't know what he wanted and let him kiss me on the cheek as I stared straight ahead and didn't make eye contact.

It was a few weeks later --- March 26, 2004, to be exact --- and we were in Nate's basement. We were watching some movie, and I got the feeling that Nate was going to try to kiss me again.

OK, Kiley. Just turn your head.

I stared straight forward.

Turn your head.

I stared straight forward.

Turn your head.

I turned my head.

Nate kissed me on the lips, and my heart started to beat out of control. My first kiss!

Then my mind started to race, and I freaked out mentally. I couldn't see what was going on the TV screen anymore, and as I put on my shoes that were sitting by the oak kitchen door, getting ready to go home, I wasn't talking.

Nate opened the door of his blue Oldsmobile Cutlass, and I slid onto the blue, matted bench seat. I still couldn't make myself open my mouth.

I don't want to be kissing a guy that isn't even my boyfriend. How do I tell him that? He hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend, but this is going against everything I thought. I don't want to ask him out, but I can't keep kissing him if we're not dating.

The thoughts kept coming as we drove out of his neighborhood, turned right, turned right again and again. Nate kept looking at me.

Just say it, Nate, I don't want to kiss a guy that I'm not dating.

"Are you OK?" Nate asked, looking sideways at me.

"Yes."

Just say it. You're getting closer to home, you don't have much time. Nate, I don't want to kiss a guy that I'm not dating.

"Are you OK?" Nate asked again.

Say it.

Say it.

Kiley, say it.

"I don't want to kiss you if we're not dating."

"I thought we were," Nate said. "Do you want to?"

"Yes. Do you?"

"Yes."

A big smile spread across my youthful face as all the stress floated away. Nate smiled back at me, his gorgeous smile full of braces-covered teeth.

We bumped up the gravel road to my house and he stopped in the driveway.

"Thanks," I said.

I ran inside and up to my parents room, going to my mom's side of the bed, where she was reading while my dad snoozed.

"I have a boyfriend."

It was 10 years ago today that I was 15, had my first kiss and had my first boyfriend.

It's 10 years later, and I've had lots of kisses, but only from one man. I only had one boyfriend, who became my fiancé and my husband. It's been 10 years, but it's still only the beginning.