Maybe silence is better

It's so easy to talk about people behind their back - especially if its something that has annoyed you or made you angry.

I think a line exists between being OK talking about someone, describing what happened or how you felt about those happenings and saying inappropriate things.

It's hard to listen to people say bad things about others who they don't like, without adding to the conversation. I know often that it's not my place to correct them, but I also don't want to add to the conversation. I find myself saying, "Yeah," or "Uh-huh," trying not to add anything beyond what they say.

Often times when we talk about people behind their backs, we have to bite back our words anyway.

I am not huge talker, unless it's with someone I am very close to. I like writing, because it gives me the opportunity to think through my words and even change them after they come out. With speaking, I often don't say what I want to say or want to change the wording after it comes out.

They always say think before you speak. Sometimes though, I think silence is just better.

"Who can take a sunrise,
Sprinkle it with dew?
Cover it in chocolate and a miracle or two
The candyman, the candyman can,
The candyman can 'cause he mixes it with love
and makes the world taste good

"Who can take a rainbow,
Wrap it in a sigh?
Soak it in the sun and make the stra'bry lemon pie
The candyman? The candyman can
The candyman can 'cause he mixes it with love
and makes the world taste good"

"Who can take tomorrow,
Dip it in a dream?
Separate the sorrow and collect up all the cream,
The candyman? The Candyman can, the candyman can
The candyman can 'cause he mixes it with love
and makes the world taste good
And the world tastes good
'cause the candyman thinks it should"

It sure sounds a lot like Willy Wonka is God isn't it?

A lot people, and things, disguise themselves as sweet and good but are really nothing but wolves in sheep's clothing.

Sometimes it's good to remember that God is the only one that can do miracles. He's the only ones that we should rely on. He's the only one that can separate the sorrow and collect up all the cream.

You never know

I haven't seen a robin yet this year.

That is, I hadn't until yesterday.

Driving home from the office yesterday, I was listening to the radio when two wings flapped in front of me, and I saw a flash of orange. Then, a thud.

The bird hit my grill, splattered blood as it rolled up my windshield and went over the car to bounce on the road behind me.

I gasped and laughed all at the same time. The situation was ridiculous, but it was kind of sad too.

The other day, I was reading in "Angel Train" by Gilbert Morris, about a man who once saw a bird fall out of the air for no reason at all.

To us, the death of a bird doesn't seem like a big deal. However, we can easily compare ourselves to these birds.

When these birds woke up, they didn't realize that this was their last day on Earth. They couldn't have realized that they would get sick and die or die of old age or would get hit by a car. Really, all of those scenarios could happen to any of us.

We never know when our last moments could be.

I believe that God has all of our lives in his hands. When people die in odd ways, ways that should never happen, you know that it was definitely that person's time to go. However a person dies, it's their time to go.

God has a plan.

We just need to remember, we don't know it.

A pair of caring ears

Sometimes all you can do is care.

I have friends who are going through some hard times - family difficulties, loneliness, questions about how to deal with people who despise you. A lot of the time, I don't have any answers of how to fix problems.

I listen. I tell them I'm sorry they have to go through that. I tell them I'm praying for them.

Somehow, when people tell me their problems, they seem to feel better. I don't give out many answers, but I try to encourage them that at least I care. That seems to be the best medicine for problems that don't have easy solutions.

When people have hard decisions to make or big problems, usually they aren't looking for people to tell them exactly what to do. When they get advice from a variety of sources, sometimes that can make a time even more confusing and difficult. They have so many opinions rolling around in their head that they don't need one more voice chattering away up there.

Also, I know that I don't have all the answers to life's problems. I've experienced problems, but not everything. I know that God is the only one that can truly tell them what the correct answer is. I don't want to be a stumbling block, giving them advice that doesn't coincide with what God wants, because I will never know the entire situation.

Usually, what people need is to talk it through. I know that when I have a problem, often I just need to talk about it out loud. I can usually figure out the answer if I just have someone who will listen and be supportive. I want to be that person for others.

Next time someone comes to you with a problem, stop and listen first. You might feel led to give some quiet advice, but listen first. Offer a set of caring ears and see where that leads.

A little too introverted?

I don't think I have an answer for this - not something inspiring for other people. This has just been an everyday moment for about the past two years.

I have never been a really outgoing person. The night Nate first asked me out, it was a Friday night. I was in high school. It was about 9 p.m. I was in my pajamas getting ready to go to bed.

I've always kind of been a homebody.

This has been the most difficult part of working in the journalism field. I don't naturally put myself out there to get to know people who could become potential sources. I don't enjoy making conversation with random people that I don't know.

I have struggled lately with trying to find story ideas with personal touches, because I haven't met too many people since I have moved. I have friends, enough for me. However, I don't seem to have enough friends for the newspaper business.

Nate is an outgoing person with lots of friends. After making close friends in college, I have taken on some of Nate's friends as my good friends. I'm not motivated to talk to people to find more friends - I have the best friends and all that I need.

In preschool, in elementary school, in junior high, in high school, in college - my friends were ready-made. They were the people I had classes with, the people I played sports with, the people I went to Sunday school with. Now, I don't have ready-made friends. I don't really know how to go about making these friends.

My college friends all seem to struggle with the same sentiments. We have our close-knit group of friends, but we don't seem to know how to meld into the communities we have moved into.

Growing up, I was also surrounded by people I had known my whole life. Now, I'm in a community where I don't know anyone, and no one knows me, but everyone else seems to know each other. Why should people want to know me when they have all the friends they need?

Moving to a place where no one knows you and being expected to make connections quickly has never been easy, or fun, for me. I honestly don't know how to go about it. I'm perfectly content with all the friends I have, but how to make contacts for work beyond that is a mystery to me.

I guess the longer I live here, the more people I will meet. The more I give out my business card, the more people will have my name. The more people who have my name, the more story ideas I will get.

Like I said, I don't have much inspiration in this topic, but maybe you also feel like me and can get comfort knowing that you're not the only one a little lost in a new transitional time in life.

Look on the bright side

When Lent started, I wanted to give up complaining.

I went a few days never having to correct myself, and I thought, maybe I just don't complain as much as I thought I do.

Then, I realized that I just don't realize it when I complain! I think I complained so much that I didn't even realize what was complaining. It's hard to give something up when you don't notice that you're doing it enough to correct yourself.

I'm still trying to give up complaining, but I don't know how well it's going. I think I can practice though, here's some things I can look on the bright side about:

Complaint: It's rainy outside.

Bright side: I would much rather see it rain than have snow or ice.

Complaint: Work is long.

Bright side: I'm so thankful that I have a job. When I think about it, I don't know what I would do with all my time if I wasn't working.

Complaint: I'm always cold, especially my feet.

Bright side: I can turn on the space heater whenever I want, because I don't have to pay utilities. I also can put my feet on the battery charger for my computer, which keeps them warm when I'm working.

I'm sure I could think of many more complaints, but I'm going to stop trying to think about parts of my life to complain about. Maybe, like me, you just need a reminder to think on the bright side before you realize that you complain way too much!

Dwell on what is good

A man named Bill and his wife, Jean, were out with a group of couples, who all started to rag on each other.

One wife laughed about her husband's tendency to get so involved in TV that he doesn't notice when she is talking to him.

One husband talked about his honey-do list, or his honey-do book as he called it.

When Bill and Jean stayed quiet, not adding stories about each other, their friends questioned them about it.

"What bothers you guys?"

Bill answered that he didn't know what bothered him about his wife.

"We try to not think about what we don't like about each other. Instead we like to dwell on what is good about the other person."

Bill and Jean are an actual couple that I read about, although I made up these names. I found it the best possible way to keep a relationship strong. If you let things go so easily and only dwell on what is good, you won't have anything to hold against your loved one.

I was talking with Nate's mom when she was in town, and she told me that she tries not to say anything bad about her husband when she is around other people.

Women tend to rag on their men - and men tend to rag on their women - when they are around other people. It's fun to laugh about things that annoy us. Although that may not harm some relationships, I think concentrating on the things you love about people and not insulting your loved ones in front of others can do nothing but strengthen your relationship.

You might not even realize you do it, but it's something to think about.