Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Not quite enough

I'm afraid I'm not quite as perfect a person as I would like to believe, or as I would like others to believe. It's hard for me to be open and honest on here about what I struggle with, because I want to be encouraging and not let everyone I know who reads this see where I am at fault.

It's not something in particular that has made me think about this lately, but my self-esteem has me thinking.

In college, I was concerned that I didn't know who I was and that I wasn't self-confidence. I know who I am for sure now, and I don't worry about that anymore. However, I still think that I don't have enough confidence in myself.

I often try to prove myself in what I do. I'm not a successful wife when my home is messy or when I sluff off when I don't feel great or when I'm (close your eyes Mom) not sexy enough. I know that I can cook, but when I mess something up I usually take it to heart more than I should. I think that I should make more gourmet meals, but I should also be able to make delicious food for a small grocery bill - which is not an easy feat. I work all day but don't feel like I am the perfect wife when I leave the laundry undone for a couple nights in a row, because I don't feel like working all night either.

Everyone wants to be that Proverbs 31 woman that does everything and fulfills her husband in every way. However, I think that if I was as busy as her all I would complain about would be how tired I was.

I'm sure Nate doesn't even talk about this kind of stuff, but I often think about how I want him to be able to rave about me to his friends - "My wife cooks the best meals." "My wife always has her hair and make-up done when I come home, she never looks frumpy." "My wife is always sexy and up for anything." "My wife is better than yours..."

I shouldn't see life as a competition or act like I'm constantly being judged, but I do. And I never think I'm doing quite enough.

Where's that middle ground of being relaxed and working hard enough to be a great and servantful wife?

1 comment:

  1. Being sexy has nothing to do with is being confident in exactly who you are (created by God). Confidence, not pride, is very appealing to everyone. (I didn't close my eyes :))