I'm afraid I'm not quite as perfect a person as I would like to believe, or as I would like others to believe. It's hard for me to be open and honest on here about what I struggle with, because I want to be encouraging and not let everyone I know who reads this see where I am at fault.
It's not something in particular that has made me think about this lately, but my self-esteem has me thinking.
In college, I was concerned that I didn't know who I was and that I wasn't self-confidence. I know who I am for sure now, and I don't worry about that anymore. However, I still think that I don't have enough confidence in myself.
I often try to prove myself in what I do. I'm not a successful wife when my home is messy or when I sluff off when I don't feel great or when I'm (close your eyes Mom) not sexy enough. I know that I can cook, but when I mess something up I usually take it to heart more than I should. I think that I should make more gourmet meals, but I should also be able to make delicious food for a small grocery bill - which is not an easy feat. I work all day but don't feel like I am the perfect wife when I leave the laundry undone for a couple nights in a row, because I don't feel like working all night either.
Everyone wants to be that Proverbs 31 woman that does everything and fulfills her husband in every way. However, I think that if I was as busy as her all I would complain about would be how tired I was.
I'm sure Nate doesn't even talk about this kind of stuff, but I often think about how I want him to be able to rave about me to his friends - "My wife cooks the best meals." "My wife always has her hair and make-up done when I come home, she never looks frumpy." "My wife is always sexy and up for anything." "My wife is better than yours..."
I shouldn't see life as a competition or act like I'm constantly being judged, but I do. And I never think I'm doing quite enough.
Where's that middle ground of being relaxed and working hard enough to be a great and servantful wife?