This morning, Novie wanted to go outside about 7:45. I so did not want to get up, when I had to get up in about 45 minutes anyway. I wanted to just chill in bed until I had to start working.
However, she had to go, and I had to be the one to let her out so I rolled out of bed.
I grabbed my sweatpants and tossed them at her, just to let her know I was not happy about her making me get up.
I thought about the people that I know who are pregnant or have recently had children, and how they have to get up even more than I do to take care of their children. I wonder if they are annoyed or if they just love their children so much that they don't mind.
I don't think I'm ready to have children. Other than the fact that I'm not married, which would definitely be the prerequisite for having kids, I think I am way too selfish.
I've always thought I was a pretty giving person. I like to give things away and buy things for people. However, when it comes to doing things I don't want to, I guess I am a little more selfish than I thought. When I'm tired, I want to sleep. When I'm crabby I want to be alone and not talk. When I'm stressed I want to just hole up. If someone wants me to do something other than that, I don't really want to, and I can kind of be a crab butt when I don't get my way.
When I was younger, I always thought that I would be married and have children by my age. I guess I can't really control that I haven't, but I don't think I would be ready to have kids even if I was married. I need to get over myself and the need to do whatever I want.
Who knew a puppy could be teaching me so much?
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Not getting away with anything
Yes, it's another dog story.
I was sitting on the couch this morning but my laptop in my lap blocked my view of the dog. However I could clearly hear as she started to gnaw on one of the kitchen chairs.
I peered around the screen and made eye contact with her, and she stopped. She knew she wasn't supposed to do it, but she thought I didn't know since I couldn't see her.
This isn't the first time she's done this. From going into my bedroom to chew on clothes to gnawing on the magazine rack when I'm not looking, she thinks if she's out of eyesight she won't get caught. She doesn't realize I'm right there and know when she's up to something.
How dumb are we sometimes when we think we are getting away with sin? We do it right on front of God, because we think if we can't see him then we must be getting away with it. We don't realize he's right there all the time, shaking his head at how silly we can be to think we can get away with whatever we are doing.
I was sitting on the couch this morning but my laptop in my lap blocked my view of the dog. However I could clearly hear as she started to gnaw on one of the kitchen chairs.
I peered around the screen and made eye contact with her, and she stopped. She knew she wasn't supposed to do it, but she thought I didn't know since I couldn't see her.
This isn't the first time she's done this. From going into my bedroom to chew on clothes to gnawing on the magazine rack when I'm not looking, she thinks if she's out of eyesight she won't get caught. She doesn't realize I'm right there and know when she's up to something.
How dumb are we sometimes when we think we are getting away with sin? We do it right on front of God, because we think if we can't see him then we must be getting away with it. We don't realize he's right there all the time, shaking his head at how silly we can be to think we can get away with whatever we are doing.
Monday, January 30, 2012
A little spoiled
Well as you can see from this photo, my puppy might be a little bit spoiled.
She has gotten to really enjoy laying on my head lately, when I put her in bed to this morning when she crawled up on my head and actually fell asleep and started snoring.
Now I know that I could have moved her, I mean she's a dog after all. However, I knew that she was comfortable and happy to be close to me so I let her stay. Puppies are just so cute - especially my Novie - so I can't help but spoil her a little bit.
But when she reaches 60 pounds I don't think she'll get to do this anymore.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Once in a lifetime
Last night was a ton of fun.
With a kind of last-minute decision, Nate and I decided to go skiing at a local little snow park.
I am a horrible skier - or should I say, I was a horrible skier. However, Nate patiently took the time to teach me how to ski since it had been years since I was out on the slopes.
He took me on the bunny hill, even though he is already a wonderful skier who goes on yearly trips to Colorado with his friends. He stuck with me even though I knew the bunny certainly wasn't fun for him.
When I kind of got the hang of it, Nate went with me down a bigger hill and called out directions when I started to panic at the steepness. When I made it down, he gave me a big grin and a kiss to show he was proud of me.
We made it through a whole night of skiing, and I made it down even the toughest slopes.
On the way home, we decided to grab some Arby's - which we scarfed down - and I just couldn't stop smiling.
"You make life fun," I told Nate.
"Thanks, but I prefer to think that life is fun and we're just finding it," he said.
It's a small change, he said, but an important one.
I love when we go out and spontaneously do something fun, even if it takes a little money, a little less sleep, a little time. It's important to treasure life when we have it.
This morning, my mom called to tell me that my cousin's dad died. His mother, my aunt, died almost two years ago. The death of his father was sudden and unexpected.
Life is so short. Yet, we often don't make the most of it.
I read a quote yesterday that kind of sums it up too: Each day comes once in a lifetime.
Let's make the most of it.
With a kind of last-minute decision, Nate and I decided to go skiing at a local little snow park.
I am a horrible skier - or should I say, I was a horrible skier. However, Nate patiently took the time to teach me how to ski since it had been years since I was out on the slopes.
He took me on the bunny hill, even though he is already a wonderful skier who goes on yearly trips to Colorado with his friends. He stuck with me even though I knew the bunny certainly wasn't fun for him.
When I kind of got the hang of it, Nate went with me down a bigger hill and called out directions when I started to panic at the steepness. When I made it down, he gave me a big grin and a kiss to show he was proud of me.
We made it through a whole night of skiing, and I made it down even the toughest slopes.
On the way home, we decided to grab some Arby's - which we scarfed down - and I just couldn't stop smiling.
"You make life fun," I told Nate.
"Thanks, but I prefer to think that life is fun and we're just finding it," he said.
It's a small change, he said, but an important one.
I love when we go out and spontaneously do something fun, even if it takes a little money, a little less sleep, a little time. It's important to treasure life when we have it.
This morning, my mom called to tell me that my cousin's dad died. His mother, my aunt, died almost two years ago. The death of his father was sudden and unexpected.
Life is so short. Yet, we often don't make the most of it.
I read a quote yesterday that kind of sums it up too: Each day comes once in a lifetime.
Let's make the most of it.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Jesus loves you Grandpa, and so do I
On Sunday, I called my grandpa to wish him a happy birthday - a day late.
He turned 78 years old on Saturday, and he's slowly dying from Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary DIsorder (COPD). He is getting weaker and eating less all the time.
He sounded bad when I talked to him on the phone, and I asked him if he had been eating, because at Christmastime he said he didn't eat much. He said he tried to eat but it just didn't taste good.
I told him that when he didn't want to eat to just think, "Kiley said I have to eat."
I knew that if I told him to do something that he would at least try. You see, my grandpa hasn't always been the best person. However, he has always loved me a lot. For 15 years, I was the youngest grandchild and for some reason I think he and I have just had a bond. Maybe it's because he knows that I truly love him and care about him.
My mom called me today to tell me something my grandma told her. Yesterday, my grandma made Grandpa a tuna sandwich and then went to take a nap, because she had a headache. After a few minutes, she heard him say, "I'm sorry Kiley, but that's all I can eat."
However, when she went back to the living room after taking a nap, she said the tuna sandwich was gone except for just the crust.
Tears are pouring down my face right now as I write this. I just love my grandpa so much, and I hate that he is so sick that he can hardly even eat.
I can't imagine a future without my grandpa. He's been waiting for years to see me get married. I believe he once said that is the reason that he is trying to live longer, just to see me married. I want so bad for him to see it. However since I don't know when I'll get married, I don't know if he will.
Worst of all, I don't know if my grandpa is a Christian. We have talked about the fact that Jesus died on the cross for my grandparents' sins, and my grandpa said he has it taken care of. However, I don't know if they really understand exactly what God did for them. It makes me sick to my stomach not knowing for sure that I will get to see them in eternity, and that I haven't been the witness I should have been all these years.
Sickness and dying and death are so awful. However, it eases the pain when someone has a bright future with God to look forward to. I just wish that I knew for sure that my grandpa had that. He might, I just don't know. And that's what is awful.
I don't know what else to say to him since he said he "has it taken care of." I guess I just have to keep praying. If you're reading this, please join me in praying for all my relatives and all your relatives that aren't saved. May they be touched by the hand of God so that we can all spend eternity together.
He turned 78 years old on Saturday, and he's slowly dying from Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary DIsorder (COPD). He is getting weaker and eating less all the time.
He sounded bad when I talked to him on the phone, and I asked him if he had been eating, because at Christmastime he said he didn't eat much. He said he tried to eat but it just didn't taste good.
I told him that when he didn't want to eat to just think, "Kiley said I have to eat."
I knew that if I told him to do something that he would at least try. You see, my grandpa hasn't always been the best person. However, he has always loved me a lot. For 15 years, I was the youngest grandchild and for some reason I think he and I have just had a bond. Maybe it's because he knows that I truly love him and care about him.
My mom called me today to tell me something my grandma told her. Yesterday, my grandma made Grandpa a tuna sandwich and then went to take a nap, because she had a headache. After a few minutes, she heard him say, "I'm sorry Kiley, but that's all I can eat."
However, when she went back to the living room after taking a nap, she said the tuna sandwich was gone except for just the crust.
Tears are pouring down my face right now as I write this. I just love my grandpa so much, and I hate that he is so sick that he can hardly even eat.
I can't imagine a future without my grandpa. He's been waiting for years to see me get married. I believe he once said that is the reason that he is trying to live longer, just to see me married. I want so bad for him to see it. However since I don't know when I'll get married, I don't know if he will.
Worst of all, I don't know if my grandpa is a Christian. We have talked about the fact that Jesus died on the cross for my grandparents' sins, and my grandpa said he has it taken care of. However, I don't know if they really understand exactly what God did for them. It makes me sick to my stomach not knowing for sure that I will get to see them in eternity, and that I haven't been the witness I should have been all these years.
Sickness and dying and death are so awful. However, it eases the pain when someone has a bright future with God to look forward to. I just wish that I knew for sure that my grandpa had that. He might, I just don't know. And that's what is awful.
I don't know what else to say to him since he said he "has it taken care of." I guess I just have to keep praying. If you're reading this, please join me in praying for all my relatives and all your relatives that aren't saved. May they be touched by the hand of God so that we can all spend eternity together.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Pass it on
At dance last week, one of my first-graders came up to me in tears.
She was at the end of the line that we were practicing to head on stage for their ballet dance.
"I'm always last, and I don't like it," she said.
Most of the time I would tell her it's fine and to go back to the line. However, this time I decided to go a different route.
I told her, "Do you know what God said about people who are last?"
She shook her head.
I said, "God said and the last shall be first."
I said that God likes people who go last, because that means they are selfless and putting others ahead of themselves.
I asked her if she thought it was good if God said it and she nodded.
I told her she was being selfless, and I said thank you for it. I told her she was doing a great job, and she headed back to be at the end of the line - content.
I had a smile on my face, because I got the chance to tell her just a little bit about God and to make her feel good about herself. I loved it!
She was at the end of the line that we were practicing to head on stage for their ballet dance.
"I'm always last, and I don't like it," she said.
Most of the time I would tell her it's fine and to go back to the line. However, this time I decided to go a different route.
I told her, "Do you know what God said about people who are last?"
She shook her head.
I said, "God said and the last shall be first."
I said that God likes people who go last, because that means they are selfless and putting others ahead of themselves.
I asked her if she thought it was good if God said it and she nodded.
I told her she was being selfless, and I said thank you for it. I told her she was doing a great job, and she headed back to be at the end of the line - content.
I had a smile on my face, because I got the chance to tell her just a little bit about God and to make her feel good about herself. I loved it!
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Whining
I'm laying on the couch, and Novie sits on the rug in front just whining at me.
She wants up on the couch, and she can jump up here on her own but she never does. She always just waits until I lean over and pick her up to put her where she wants to be.
Sometimes it drives me a little crazy that she won't do what she can do because she wants me to do it for her.
I think I do the same thing with God though. God, I want to be a better person. I want to be closer to you. However, I want you to do all the work and put me somewhere instead of me using my muscles to jump up there by myself. It's too hard. Can't you just do it for me? Can't you? Can't you? Can't you?
I start whining just like the dog, wanting God to do everything for me.
I know that God will pick me up when I need him to, but I think that he wants me to have spiritual muscles of my own that I try to be closer to him instead of just wanting him to come to me. I have to step forward too.
She wants up on the couch, and she can jump up here on her own but she never does. She always just waits until I lean over and pick her up to put her where she wants to be.
Sometimes it drives me a little crazy that she won't do what she can do because she wants me to do it for her.
I think I do the same thing with God though. God, I want to be a better person. I want to be closer to you. However, I want you to do all the work and put me somewhere instead of me using my muscles to jump up there by myself. It's too hard. Can't you just do it for me? Can't you? Can't you? Can't you?
I start whining just like the dog, wanting God to do everything for me.
I know that God will pick me up when I need him to, but I think that he wants me to have spiritual muscles of my own that I try to be closer to him instead of just wanting him to come to me. I have to step forward too.
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