On Sunday, I called my grandpa to wish him a happy birthday - a day late.
He turned 78 years old on Saturday, and he's slowly dying from Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary DIsorder (COPD). He is getting weaker and eating less all the time.
He sounded bad when I talked to him on the phone, and I asked him if he had been eating, because at Christmastime he said he didn't eat much. He said he tried to eat but it just didn't taste good.
I told him that when he didn't want to eat to just think, "Kiley said I have to eat."
I knew that if I told him to do something that he would at least try. You see, my grandpa hasn't always been the best person. However, he has always loved me a lot. For 15 years, I was the youngest grandchild and for some reason I think he and I have just had a bond. Maybe it's because he knows that I truly love him and care about him.
My mom called me today to tell me something my grandma told her. Yesterday, my grandma made Grandpa a tuna sandwich and then went to take a nap, because she had a headache. After a few minutes, she heard him say, "I'm sorry Kiley, but that's all I can eat."
However, when she went back to the living room after taking a nap, she said the tuna sandwich was gone except for just the crust.
Tears are pouring down my face right now as I write this. I just love my grandpa so much, and I hate that he is so sick that he can hardly even eat.
I can't imagine a future without my grandpa. He's been waiting for years to see me get married. I believe he once said that is the reason that he is trying to live longer, just to see me married. I want so bad for him to see it. However since I don't know when I'll get married, I don't know if he will.
Worst of all, I don't know if my grandpa is a Christian. We have talked about the fact that Jesus died on the cross for my grandparents' sins, and my grandpa said he has it taken care of. However, I don't know if they really understand exactly what God did for them. It makes me sick to my stomach not knowing for sure that I will get to see them in eternity, and that I haven't been the witness I should have been all these years.
Sickness and dying and death are so awful. However, it eases the pain when someone has a bright future with God to look forward to. I just wish that I knew for sure that my grandpa had that. He might, I just don't know. And that's what is awful.
I don't know what else to say to him since he said he "has it taken care of." I guess I just have to keep praying. If you're reading this, please join me in praying for all my relatives and all your relatives that aren't saved. May they be touched by the hand of God so that we can all spend eternity together.