Laying on the beach, isn't the usual place to do some soul-searching, but the books I read in Jamaica really made start pondering life as I watched the waves beat against the shore.
"Crazy Love" by Francis Chan asked a simple question, and it was one that made me think. How much would my life change if I suddenly stopped believing in God?
What in my life really reflects that I'm a Christian? Well, I guess it's that we go to church and serve at the coffee bar there. We tithe, and I help the pastor proofread his sermon manuscripts. I try to read my Bible, although it isn't super regularly, and we pray before our meals. So, some time would be freed up if I stopped believing in God.
However, if I didn't believe in God, I would probably still volunteer someplace, so my life wouldn't change that much by giving up my service at church. We probably would still donate money to worthy causes, so that wouldn't be a huge difference. I could help people proofread their books. And the 30 seconds we pray before our meals wouldn't really change our lives a lot. So, maybe changing church involvement wouldn't change that much if I stopped believing in God.
I try to be a nice person, and I spend plenty of time talking to our volunteers at work. That shows that I'm a Christian and a good person. But if I stopped believing in God, I would still want to be a good person, and getting to know our volunteers is part of my job. No, that wouldn't really change.
Nate and I try to live out a biblical view of marriage. I do my best to support him while still letting him be the leader at home. I really do try to be the Proverbs 31 wife who does her part and honors her husband. That might set us a little apart, because if I didn't believe in God I probably wouldn't care about letting my husband be the leader and I might be tempted to fall in the footsteps of other women and bash him instead of lifting him up. But is that all that really sets me apart in my faith?
Our TV watching habits probably wouldn't change. The way we spend our spare time wouldn't change to much, although we might go out and party more or spend our money a little more recklessly.
I don't know --- would my life really be that different if I stopped believing in God? That's a hard thing to think about. I know my life should be completely different if I didn't believe in God. I should be living a life that makes it obvious that I'm a Christian and set apart. But I'm really not sure that I do that. And if I'm not sure, then how is God sure that I'm following him?
I think a lot of what I've been debating with myself goes back to the fact that I don't spend much time in the Bible and I don't spend much time praying. If I really knew God, perhaps my life and my heart would be much different. I think it's about time that I start to get to know him.