Friday, February 17, 2012

What I need, not what I want

I want answers when I want answers. I want situations to work out the way I want them to work out. I want certain things to happen at certain times.

However, sometimes God, and other people, know what I need rather than what I want.

Today, I was talking to Nate about how many people to invite to our wedding. I won't go into the boring details, but I wanted something and Nate wanted to look into it. Like much of our relationship, I wanted an answer right then and there and he wanted to check and see and go with the flow.

I just wanted him to agree with me. I just wanted a firm answer so I could have a firm budget to work off of. He wanted to go to the venue and measure and go from there.

Finally, he let me calm down for a second and said that something is going to go wrong with this wedding. Something always goes wrong, and we can't plan for everything.

Ugh. I hate that. I want to plan for each and every scenario. I want everything to go just as planned, because otherwise why plan?

But I knew he was right. I know we have to deal with things as they come. I should take one victory at a time - finding a reception place - and keep going from there. It will all get done.

What I think I want - an exact answer - is not always what I need - a realistic view and some support through it. That's what I appreciate about Nate. He's not a pushover who caves to my every whim, even when I want him to. (I'm not saying he won't give me what I want if I really want it, he will. However, he often shows me what I need isn't the first thing I think it is.) He is a strong man with a realistic view on life. I often need that to look to.

Oh dear. This wedding planning is really going to be a test on my worrying and trusting. I have gotten so much better at that. Let's see if I slip when tested!

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