Friday, February 18, 2011

Love and be loved

A man walks in with a bouquet of pink and yellow flowers, expecting his wife to ooh and awe over his thoughtfulness. She smiles and thanks him, but when he starts to play video games later, she gets upset that he isn't spending time with her.

He thought getting her flowers showed her his love, instead she expected his time to show her his love.

I learned a long time ago about something called love languages. Everyone loves people and feels loved in different ways.

According to author Gary Chapman, the five long languages are:

Words of Affirmation
  • Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
    Quality Time
  • In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

  • Receiving Gifts

    Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

  • Acts of Service

    Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

  • Physical Touch

    This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

Many people don't realize that they should show love in different ways to really get through to the people they care about.

According to a quiz on love languages, my long languages are ranked:
Words of affirmation
Quality time/touch (tied)
Acts of service

See what your love languages are at:

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