Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Master of disguise

On "The O.C." Summer Roberts answered her college entrance interview questions with some honest answers that others didn't think were appropriate - for instance, saying her inspiration was a fashion designer.

She said if she didn't answer honestly she might end up with the wrong life, one that came from not being herself.

In college, I learned how to do job interviews - how to answer questions, how to stress my strengths, how to correctly admit my weaknesses. I wonder if I could get just about any job, just because I know how to spin ideas to make them look good.

I could call myself a master of disguise. I think I may have talked about this before, and I was thinking about it earlier this week. I know how to act around certain people to have them approve of me. I know what to talk about and what topics to avoid. I know exactly how to act like I'm the person the people I'm with want me to be.

However, often, who I'm acting like, isn't me.

During college, I took some time to try to discover myself in order to grow up and be independent. I can honestly say that I know who I am. I know who I can be. I know who I should be. I just don't always act like that, because I don't want to have someone disapprove of me.

We were talking last night. Nate said that because he is who he is, people either love him or hate him. I can't stand the thought of someone hating me, even if it's because of who I am. Maybe I'm just not confident enough in who I am to let the real me shine through all the time.

The people I'm closest to know me, but that's because I know they will always love me, even if they don't love everything about me.

It's taken years for me to become a master of disguise. I guess it will take a little while for me to become a master of myself too.

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