Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Turning up with things go down

I have a really bad habit.

I mean eternally bad.

I have a deep desire to be a good Christian woman. I want to follow God and be on fire for him. However, when things are going good in my life I tend to overlook God. I'm going to be really open here - it's like I don't need God when I have life under control.

Now, I know that's not true, but that is how I tend to act.

However, the moment situations in my life get tough, stressful, frustrating or scary, I run back to God. Help me! Help me!

I always apologize that I have been overlooking him, but I still expect him to answer my prayers when I really need help.

I wonder what God thinks of that.

I was thinking today while I was driving back from an interview about how much time and effort a relationship takes. Nate and I have to spend time together, cuddle, talk to have a happy, stable relationship. That's how my relationship with God should be. I should get excited to think about the time I have to spend with him. I should want to talk or just sit silently in his presence.

However, I often don't want that.

I want to watch TV. I want to read a book. I want to go out with friends. I don't want to sit down and read my Bible and pray.

Sometimes I wonder if bad things will happen to me just so God can get my attention and make me come begging him for help. I hope that doesn't happen, and I hope that I don't start getting better at spending time with him just so I can avoid bad things happening in my life.

I have just one prayer. Lord, help me find my fire again.

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